Breakfast with Bwana

Breakfast with Bwana

JANUARY 29, 2005

LUCK IS OUT OF IRAQ:

At the beginning of this month, we took note of the commission given to General Gary E. Luck ("Luck-E Gary") by our Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld, to go to Iraq and assess what was needed vis-à-vis the training of Iraqi troops and security forces.

As I pointed out then, Luck-E's report was to be "CONFIDENTIAL" for Rummy's ears only. Of course, they've leaked his preliminary findings. So, what else is new?

Before we get there, it bears noting that the spinmeisters at the Pentagon haven't stopped having conversations with themselves. They claim that Luck-E "knows the operation in Iraq well, having been a senior advisor to Gen. [deaf, dumb and blind] Tommy R. Franks" the video pin-ball wizard, at his wartime HQ in Qatar during the Iraq campaign in 2003.

Whoa, Nellie! Back in 2003, when Pin-Ball Whiz Tommy was conducting his video game war by remote control, there were no US troops (other than isolated Special Ops forces) in Iraq. And Luck-E was NEVER actually in Iraq. Now, he went there to assess what was needed to train IRAQIS. How could he possibly have had any expertise in that subject sitting in Qatar while an aerial bombardment campaign was being conducted?

The Pentagon goes on talking to itself and suggesting that Luck-E has a "degree of independence as a retired general" to recommend adjustments in policy. Sure, an inattentive, casual observer might think that a retired general has no axe to grind and would call the shots as he saw them. However, if the Pentagon is trying to talk itself into believing that this is truly a no conflicts, independent, hard-headed assessment, why would they have picked a guy who is currently a senior advisor to the military's Joint Forces Command?"

Now, if you are attentive and focused, you might think that Luck-E doesn't want to get UN-Luck-E and have his "senior advisor" consulting contract canceled. But, if you think that way, you are just plain cynical and probably giving comfort to the enemy - the enemy of waste and nonsense, that is.

Of course, back in early January, I had the temerity to suggest that the whole exercise was a waste of time and unnecessary. But, I guess if I were to say that Luck-E got a lucrative additional contract, probably with a "combat conditions" booster, then I'd be called cynical and an aider and comforter of the enemies of waste and nonsense too.

So, what did Luck-E "tentatively" report?

1. American troops must speed up training of Iraqi security forces.

How? By assigning more American trainers to work directly with the Iraqis being trained.

2. Shift the US military's mission after the January 30 elections, from fighting the insurgents, to training the Iraq's military and security forces to take over those security and combat duties.

How? By a step-by-step approach that would take months, if not years, proceeding at different paces in different parts of the country, depending on performance of the Iraqi troops.

Oh, and Americans would work closely with Iraqis in the most dangerous parts of the country, but would still take the lead combat role there.

No kidding. You don't say.

I think I've figured out why things are not going well for our troops in Iraq. Look at the leadership and how they spend their time.

If you were making decisions up front to implement a program of training Iraqi troops and security forces, wouldn't you know that you needed an adequate number of trainers? And would you wait for almost a year and a half before trying to assess why the program was not working?

But, I do feel safer, knowing that Pin-Ball Whiz and Luck-E are retired generals so we don't have to depend on them. I wonder though, who replaced them. Come to think of it, the guys in charge now continue to look to Luck-E for advice. Suddenly, I don't feel safer. Luck is really out of Iraq.

Cheerz....Bwana

Breakfast with Bwana

JANUARY 29, 2005

TERMINAL ILLNESS IN HOLLYWOOD:

Last week, after nature's irrational exuding of more snow in one day than I cared to see in a whole Boston winter season, we were fortunate enough to get off to Florida for a few days.

The flight was scheduled to leave at 8:30 AM from Boston. We boarded at 9:15 PM (no, not a typo). When I called at 5:30 AM, the airline rep told me that Logan Airport was open. Turned out not to be so. When we got there, c. 7:15 AM (getting a taxi was another story, but never mind that) they said the airport would open at 8:00 AM and then we'd be off by 9:30 or so. Then they posted a departure time of 11:11 AM. Sounds convincingly accurate doesn't it? Reminds me of the story that someone sent regarding the height of Mt. Everest. The guy who first measured it at 29,000 feet, thought it would seem too much like an estimate, so he added two feet to make the "official height" 29,002 feet. But, that's for another day, when I'll explain how it got to be 29,027 feet and now may be shorter.

The point is that they kept stringing us along and we lost a day.

Florida for me was golf, golf, and more golf, golf. Four! Yes, four times FORE! Mrs. Bwana got to see a Bucellati exhibition at the Boca Raton Museum of Art. I got credit for having heard the show advertised on radio and "suggesting" the activity to her. Yes, looking at jewelry is an "activity." Keeps the iris in tone, not to mention the sparkle that it adds to memory. She got in some retail counseling and purchase training.

On our return, I learned from the insert in the car rental brochure, that the Fort Lauderdale Hollywood International Airport had begun operation of its Car Rental Center -- all rental cars to be picked up or returned, as the case be, at that center. Sounds like a good idea, and a good source of concession fee tax revenue.

The rental company's reclaiming of its vehicle was efficient enough. However, to get from the center to Terminal 1, you have to take the elevator down a level to the second floor and walk across the bridge -- other terminals are reached by shuttle bus from the same level as the vehicle return.

No luggage carts in sight, so one has to drag one's luggage. We had wheels on the bags, but this was bad planning especially with my golf travel bag to add to the unwieldy mix.

When we reached the terminal, we were one level below where the ticketing and check-in counters are located. Why was the bridge not on the same level so that we wouldn't have to go up and down? So, up the elevator on that side.

After ticketing, we were told to go down one level to the gate. This time, we walked down the stairs since we had checked our bags.

I wonder if the idiot who designed this building is related to one of the commissioners of the County. I mean, if you are going to spend millions of dollars building these things, why not think about what the purpose is? And, how to accomplish it without inconveniencing your customers.

Talking about irritating your customers, there were four announcements over the PA system. These were repeated at random intervals.

The first was a welcome to the Ft. Lauderdale - Hollywood International Airport, described as "a service" of the county commission or some such thing. Who cares? I want the idiot who designed it, to provide skycap service. And, I don't want to be "welcomed" to the airport ... especially when I'm leaving 76º F weather to go to 15º F.

The second and third announcements were complementary, sort of. One said, that if you were looking to rent a car, you should look for the signs for car rental that would direct you to the rental center. The other said that if you wanted to get a shuttle bus to a different terminal, you should look for the signs directing you to the the shuttle bus in the ground transport area.

Sheesh! I wonder if the architect's son needed a job reading announcements. I never would have guessed that to find what I am looking for, I should look at the signs. Usually, I just follow my nose.

The final announcement said that the Transportation Security Administration advises passengers that camera film should be placed in their carry-on bags, not in checked baggage.

Now, there was a timely announcement. You are in the security area, at the gate, the bags are checked, and omigosh, you've made a mistake by leaving your camera film in the checked baggage.

Where do they invent these morons? Or, do they just have terminal illness?

Come to think of it, I might just get a digital camera like the rest of the world. Should I put that in the checked bag or in my carry-on bag?

Next time, I'm flying Air Bwana.

Cheerz....Bwana

Breakfast with Bwana

JANUARY 21, 2005

GETTING IT WRONG, FIRST TIME


About two years ago, fuming from one of my all too common frustrations about not being able to get things done, that is, not being able to get others to do what they have promised to do, agreed to do, even sworn to do -- and I'm not even saying what they should do -- I made the observation that things have gotten so bad in America that now, if you want anything done right, you have to give the doer, at least two attempts.

But I am an optimistic, jingoistic, sort and then said, "But, I suppose the difference between us and much of the rest of the world is that there, you have to do things at least three times AND bribe someone."

Lately, I have had an accountability moment in all this. I was way too optimistic and misunderestimated the incompetence of the doers. Now, in order to get anything done right, three or four passes seem to be necessary. If the evil-doers can get it right so often on the first try, what is wrong with just plain old doers? I mean, we don't hear of too many failed suicide bombings. Most of them seem to go on the first crack.

My experiences with getting the bumper on my car repaired, having a tire rim changed, getting heating system repairs completed, and, perhaps another ten or fifteen incidents, provide an unwelcome steady stream of recurring sorry examples. We'll get to those, but first, I'll mention that the bumper repair was needed because the manufacturer had misdesigned the car and then recalled the vehicle to prevent damage to millions of bumpers. It goes without saying, that mine had already suffered the predictable damage. Without saying. And this particular manufacturer has another recall because the throttle linkage could get stuck in temperatures below 15º F (minus ~10º C). The temperature in Boston has been below 12º F for the last week, so I'm glad that work was done.

But, truthfully, my brushes with those who eschew competence -- no, I'm suggesting that it is volitional -- pale in comparison to a recent intergalactic gaffe.

The European Space Agency is justifiably proud of the Huygens space probe that just landed on Titan. As part of the mission, University of Idaho Professor David Atkinson, designed an experiment to measure the winds on Saturn's largest moon. Atkinson spent eighteen (18) years designing the experiments and calculated that, all told, his team had invested 80 man years on the project.

On Thursday, Atkinson said that someone failed to turn on a radio receiver, and because of that error, data transmitted by the gear on the Huygens lander was not received by the Saturn-orbiting Cassini spacecraft for relay to Earth. There is hope that data recovery efforts will allow winds to be calculated, by capturing signals bounced from the probe off the moon, and to Cassini. Significant additional work and adjustments to account for the transmission delays -- 2 seconds from Huygens to Cassini, and 67 minutes from Cassini to earth -- must now be done to get reliable results.

Back to the terrestrial and mundane woes facing Bwana. Why wasn't the car designed properly in the first place? Don't know. The dealer ordered the parts and I kept my appointment. They said the work was finished. I pointed out a gap on both sides of the car. Went back a second time. They said that they were able to fix one side but to fix the other, a part was needed. So, why did the guy install it if he didn't have the part the first time? Don't know. They ordered the part. I went back. Turns out they returned the part because the parts guy couldn't figure out why it came in. One more try. Bumper replaced. Total four visits.

I got a bubble in the left front tire. Went to a warehouse chain and bought two new tires. They installed them and put the new ones on the rear. Two days later, the new tire, now on the left rear, is down. Four days later, it is flat. I pump it up. Back to the tire place. The guy informs me that the rim has a crack and needs to be replaced. I go to the dealer. They say the rim is fine and charge me $30 (the warehouse company charges $10 per tire to mount and rotate). Two days later, same problem. Four days later, same problem. Back to the dealer. "You need a new rim, Sir." I say, "Go ahead and put it on." They say "Sorry, we don't have it in stock." Back after four days to have it installed. I have a new rim. Did I need a new rim? Don't know.

The heating system problems involve burst pipes and radiators from last January's (2004) extremely frigid weather. They show up in November to install the new items. Turns out they need a 42 inch radiator in one area but have a 36 inch piece. Three weeks later, they show up with a 42 inch piece. After four hours of work, the installer tells me that he has a problem because the supply house sent the wrong brand of radiator and he did not notice that until after he installed it.

They came back last Monday and installed the radiator. Part of the deal was to put antifreeze into the system -- I'm leaving out how we had to change the system for that -- so we would avoid another burst pipe. I asked the guy what level of protection we would get. He said down to 20 below zero F (minus 30 Celsius). I asked if he had a way to test it. He said he did not bring the tester (hydrometer?). On further questioning, he said his boss had calculated how much antifreeze would be needed. I mentioned that his boss had never been to the house.

Sure enough, that night, it froze again. We were fortunate and managed to get it thawed and stave off a disaster. They have put in more antifreeze.

I could go on. The guy who towed the plane with a tractor and ripped off the tow hooks on both wings because he missed that the plane was tied down. The DSL installation that took six tries. You've all been through this, just as I have.

There was a time when we had one President for four terms. Now, the maximum they are allowed is two shots to get it right. Given that we have now established that it takes at least four tries, one wonders if we'll ever have a President who gets it right in two.

I just don't know.

Cheerz....Bwana

CHANGE OF FORMAT AND HOW TO PRINT A SINGLE POST:


I'm experimenting with different formats and templates for the blog. It seems to me that print on a white background may be easier to read than on a colored background.

Any preferences? Let me know via email or by posting a comment below.

Some people have had trouble printing posts. Apparently, the blogger program prints the whole blog, including old posts and not just the current post. There are two ways around this.

First, in order to print a single post, click on the title of the post on the right hand side of the blog page where recent posts are listed -- that brings up just the one post that you have selected, and when you execute the print command (e.g. CTRL +P) only that entry is printed.

Second, you can also email a post to yourself and print it from your email Inbox. To email the post to yourself (or anyone else), click on the envelope at the bottom of the post and enter your email address as well as the address to which you want to send the message (this could be your own address). When you check your email box, you will find the email you sent to yourself and you can print it, just like any other message.

Thanks.

Cheerz....Bwana

BREAKFAST WITH BWANA

JANUARY 18, 2005



DESPITE POTARMAC FEVER
MOURNFUL DEMOCRATS PLAN TO HAVE A BALL


The Democrats are acting like sore losers. This is not to say that the Republicans are not sore winners. But, still licking their bleeding hearts, some Democrats have actually suggested that the Inaugural festivities be toned down. Sure, they make noises about such extravagance being inappropriate during a time of war and, if that were not enough, tug at your liberal heartstrings, by invoking the plight of the Tsunami victims. But their call to the President and Laura Bush to low ball this instead of having a ball just doesn't seem to be motivated purely by propriety and altruism.

And, the Democrats have got it all wrong. Once again, they have been outfoxed by Karl Rove and his strategic mastermind. The list of balls is staggering indeed: Bluegrass Ball, Black Tie And Boots Ball, Illinois Presidential Inaugural Gala, The Opportunity Inaugural Ball, American Indian Inaugural Ball, Commander-in-Chief Ball, Constitution Ball, Democracy Ball, eNaugural.com Ball, Free Republic Inaugural Ball, Freedom Ball, Independence Ball, Liberty Ball, National Coalition for Technology In Education and Training Inaugural Ball, Patriot Ball, Stars and Stripes Ball, Texas Wyoming Ball, The Ball After the Balls. The Entertainment Inaugural Ball, The Environmental Inaugural Ball, Michigan State Society Inaugural Ball, and the South Carolina Presidential Inaugural Ball.

It's too bad though, that they didn't combine the American Indian Ball with the Outsourced Indians Ball and just call it the Feathers and Dots Ball.

The point Rove wants to underscore is that this President, who is accused of being all things from a dummy to just plain rotten, can indeed handle a lot of balls in the air. In short, he knows how to have a ball.

The President is not easily fooled by Democratic chicanery. as we have seen over the years. In fact, he responded to the criticisms by yanking on a few strings himself, pointing out that he does care about the Tsunami victims, which is why, he asked his Dad and former President Clinton, to cheer on the fundraising effort. The President also said that he believes "it's important to celebrate a peaceful transfer of power . . . I'm looking forward to the celebration.''

Spin doctors who can diagnose Potomac gastritis, will note that lurking in that answer, is a theme about celebrating transfers of power in Afghanistan and Iraq. Hmmm... I wonder how he'll feel about peaceful transfers of power if the Brits give Tony Blair a blow in the gut in the next election.

But, I don't see anything wrong with the President's urge to celebrate. After all, you've got to start spending that political capital somewhere. Why not start in the Political Capitol? Chief Organizer, Burton I. Hall, who received a no-bid contract for providing food, entertainment, lighting, weapons grade fireworks displays, and worldwide logistical support, dismissed Democrats' complaints and suggested they should have their own Sour Grapes Ball. The Reverend Al Charlatan, was the only one to point out that "Burton I. Hall" was a not too obvious anagram of "Halliburton" and called for an investigation.

Representative Dennis Kucinich asked "What's an anagram?" Another former Democratic Presidential hoper General Weasely Cluck mulled over that a moment and said, "Well, Dennis, the best I can come up with is you 'Sinned Cuchi Kin' but if I say that, there might be confusion about my position on same sex marriage."

Most sensible Democrats have contracted the recently identified strain of Potarmac Fever, a delusional condition that causes them to seek the nearest highway out of Washington before Thursday's celebratory heraldry. Doctors advise them to avoid herds of elephants to prevent allergies and asthma-like attacks.

However, some desperate Democrats are still on a Phishing expedition in an effort to steal a part of the Republican identity and overlay it on their own. These diehards have suggested a few balls of their own.

The most prominent will be the combined Born Again And Resurrection Ball to rival the Black Tie And Boots affair run by the political pachyderms. This ball will celebrate a decided shift of the Democrats towards a more religious identity. Barak Obama will read from the Bible, and Quran, while simulating running a marathon on a treadmill.

The DISS (Democrats for Individual Social Security) Ball is designed to show that the political asses are willing to outdo the Republicans by transferring the Ownership Society's accounts to Wall Street money managers. An opposition group Prevent Individual Social Security (PISS) will have a protest ball.

To counter the balls representing an assortment of states, such as the Constitution Ball, the Texas Wyoming Ball and some individual state balls, the Democrats will have the Howitzer Dean Ball during which Dr. Dean will recite aloud the names of all states alternating between Red States and Blue States punctuated by whoops of delight and canon firing.

The Democrats, conscious of charges that they are soft on terrorists will have the Torture Ball during which Senator Kennedy will demonstrate deep underwater interrogation techniques and advanced waterboarding.

There is, however, one problem. The unsuccessful Democratic nominee, Senator Kerry, who was at the forefront of criticism of the planned Inaugural celebrations, appeared at a strategy meeting of prominent Democrats. "I really think that having a Democratic celebration is reprehensible. I mean, I was for the counter celebration before I was against it, but I really think we should drop the ball."

"Duh!" came a-thudding collectively out of the assembled group.

One of these days, the Democrats will learn how to have a real party.



Cheerz.... Bwana

Breakfast with Bwana

January 17, 2005

DON'T MONKEY WITH GRAVITY:



Don't ask me how it came about, but in the course of doing a search on the web, I found a link to a page detailing the departure of Shri Ramakrishna Paramhansa (also spelled "Paramahansa").

Now, I don't necessarily want to appear insensitive about an account of the burial of a "swami" but this narrative was far from a run of the mill obituary type of piece.

I have no idea who this guy Paramhansa was ... or . . . is. See, there is this little detail about reincarnation we have to take into account. As former President Bill Clinton said in a different context, "it depends on what the meaning of 'is' is." Anway, it seems that he went to the Great Beyond ... well, actually, into a pit lined with cowdung.

Not to worry, the pit was also filled with camphor and salt and sandalwood and all kinds of other deodorant stuff and then, topped off with soil. All this happened on a rainy day which makes you wonder why they washed the body first, if they were going to cover it with mud anyway. I'll have to ask someone about that one of these days.

Let me set the stage for you. In 1974, this Swami, in anticipation of his impending death, had arranged for a grave to be dug outside his own house. You see, unlike almost every other Hindu making a leap into the Great Beyond, this guy wanted to be entombed, not cremated. To that end, he had obtained necessary governmental permits, and also ordered a 1.5 ton stone that would eventually cover the grave, brought from a hillside quarry.

It turns out that this Swami had been living in someone else's house for forty years. As the narrative goes, we are told: "Swami was a person from a different plane. Still he was very much down to earth. For the last forty years he was living in Mr. Desai's house. He was aware that his end was to come in the same house. But in order to avoid inconvenience and the embarrassment for Mr. Desai's family, he had expressed his wish to be entombed opposite his house only."

Sort of a modern day Spruce Goose, I suppose, not capable of flight, but grounded. It seems to me a tad out of touch with reality to suddenly decide that you don't want to cause "inconvenience and embarrassment" to the family in whose house you've been squatting for 40 years as if it were your personal helipad. "Oh well, I don't want to inconvenience you by being buried in your front yard but I hope you don't mind if, after fory years, I lie myself down to sleep for the next two and a half weeks while I die in your front hall."

There is also the mystery of the monkey. But first, let me give you a link to the original so you won't think that I'm making all this up. http://www.datapointgroup.com/pawas/chapter18a.htm

For those who are not inclined to click on links or paste URLs into browsers I have pasted the entire article as a separate blog entry (better than pasting cow dung into a pit) under its original title "Swami Started For Final Abode." And, as necessary for this tale, I've quoted a fair portion of this in the discussion below.

On 28th July, the Swami announced that the end was nigh when he proclaimed: "My next journey has just begun.'' For about seven days, he appeared to go in and out of a trance as he lay on his bed. Well, sure, it probably was Mr. Desai's bed but let's not quibble about fine points at the threshold of a great exit.

During one of his moments of being in the present, rather than in a trance, the Swami spoke with a fellow identified as the "renunciant Satyadevanand." After a session during which the two stared into each other's eyes for a while, the renunciant "returned from the room and sat stiff in the Verandah in the front. He was seen to go into a trance that lasted four hours. Seeing this hitherto unseen kind of affair, people around were nonplussed."

I can relate. I remember as a kid when I saw hitherto unseen kinds of affairs, I would react in wonderment, yea, some would have said I was, from time to time nonplussed. I think being "nonplussed" is when you add 2 and 2 and get something other than 4.

After having the "vision thing" bonding experience with the renunciant, "Swami performed the incantational initiation for the people who were around. Initiatees included a barber and a postman; none was left out not even the children." I don't quite understand how the poor barber got into this close shave situation, but I suppose one does have to give the postman a forwarding address, doesn't one?

The monkey shows up:

"On the morning of 13th, a monkey came from somewhere and sat on the top of the tree in front of Swami's room. The monkey was sitting still and cold unmonkeylike. The domestic servant of the house tried to drive him away but he did not budge. He would jump to another branch and come back again to the original branch after sometime. For 3 days continuously, he was seen seated there. He was gone only after Swami's heart stopped on the 15th."

Hmmm.... this doesn't sound good. It's one thing to have a monkey hanging around waiting for your heart to stop, but why does he have to look "unmonkeylike" while doing so. Someone should tell the monkey: "Go on, be monkeylike, it's fun." But the domestic servant probably just spat out only the first part: "Go on!" At any rate, I am nonplussed as to what would cause a monkey to suddenly become unmonkeylike.

The Swami does his swan song:

Come to think of it, "Paramhansa" is probably German for "Swan Song" (compare Lufthansa as in "flying swan" for the German airline).

Now, some two and one-half weeks later, the fateful moment arrives.

"His soul went into an eternal trance leaving behind the body as it should be left. The time was something like half past eight. Dr. Deodhar was sent for. The Doctor certified him dead. With the permission of the Sanyasin Satyadevanand, the terrestrial body of Swami was taken out."

Well, it was thoughtful of Swanee ... er Swami ... to leave the body behind rather than taking it with him. That would have been very messy, calling, at a minimum, for an Inspector Clouseau to look into it. Okay, since the time was "something like half past eight" perhaps they would leave the body alone and let everyone get some sleep. After all, since Swanee's soul had gone off, there was little danger that the body would suddenly elope. But not these devoted followers:

"It was made to sit in the Yogic posture of Sahajasan. The body was smeared with fragrant materials and was given a bath. The body was then conveniently seated in a frame of banana-stem for the public to take a glance. The neck was adorned with a flower garland and a garland made of Tulsi stem cuttings. The forehead carried a smearing of sandal paste. On that was placed a Tilak of Bukka [a black powder composed of a fragrant substance]. The monkey-cap that Swami used to wear very often was of course in it's place. The room became fragrant by the heap of camphor placed on his camphor-complexioned body."

Aha! So, that explains the monkey ... he wanted his cap back. After all, that's probably why he was sitting on the tree branch for three days. I don't know if they got the banana stem from the same tree.

I pause to complain they did get the sequencing a bit messed up. Here we have a guy lying on the bed, going to the Great Beyond, and then getting a bath for the body. Somehow, Bed, Beyond, and Bath just doesn't have the same ring to it.

From banana leaf to chair:

"It was a great departure of a great being. Volunteers were trying hard to bring gravity, dignity and holiness in the atmosphere fitting to the great occasion. It took quite an effort to see that the people's sorrow is kept in check through restraint. Swami's body was then transferred to a chair bedecked with flowers. The procession was to begin."

Yeah, it is tough to bring dignity, gravity and holiness when you've got a guy smeared with all that stuff being shuttled from banana leaves to chairs and made to sit up, sit down, and then processed er... put in a procession ... all after the guy has been dead since about half past eight, and with a monkey sitting cold and unmonkeylike, ready to grab his cap at a moment's notice. Most of all, the gravity of the situation is that you are not letting gravity do its work as you contort his body into various positions, rigor mortis notwithstanding.

The weather was not cooperating either. The narrative first recounts that "the sun and the rain played see-saw." Now you see the sun, now you saw the rain, I suppose.

"As the people were walking through the narrow village-mud-road of the rainy season, rain did not forget to greet them from above. A rivulet was to be crossed too."

I hate crossing rivulets in the rain. Bing Crosby was good at that sort of thing, but the rest of us could use a stair. On the other hand, we've got to get this guy way down upon the swami river.

Okay, the race is over. It's time for the Pit Stop:

"As the procession was approaching, the volunteers preparing the pit hastened the work. The sides and bottom of the pit was given a wash of cow dung, the powerful disinfectant. Suwasinees [women who lead their lives in the service of their husbands] were busy drawing sacred artistic figures on the floor called Rangoli, to welcome the great soul to his new home."

This doesn't sound very efficient. After all, they've had 17 days or so to finish this pit stop as a final stop pit. I don't think that cow plop wash notwithstanding, this will measure up to six-feet-deep-sigma benchmarking. And, wait a minute, cow plops is a powerful disinfectant? I've got to send that in to Hints From Heloise, er Bossie. And pray tell me, where does one find a Suwasinee? We've received a whole lot of catalogs in the mail for Christmas and the sales for the New Year ... I'm going to look and see if anyone has a special on a Suwasinee ... maybe Bed Bath & Beyond carries them.

Benedictus Qui Venit In Cow Plops:

Friends, Romans (that applies only to Sonia in India), Swami Lovers, lend me your ears, I come to bury Swanee, not to praise him. The evil that men do, lives after them. Their good books are oft interred with their bones.

The procession arrived at the grave site and after assorted chanting, the body was lowered into the grave.

"Bit by bit the body of Swami was disappearing from sight. Bag after bag was being emptied in the pit. Level of salt and camphor was building up. When the level reached the chest, the two volumes of "Abhang Dnyaneshwari' of his personal use were placed in front. Then the remaining space was filled with layers of sandal dust, camphor, salt, Ashtagandh, Bukka, Kasturi. At the top came another layer of salt, some two-three inches thick. The entire body was thus covered. Then shawls sanctified by placing respectively at the tombs of Sant Dnyaneshwar and Sant Ramdas were placed on the top. A thick layer of soil was spread and flowers were offered. Then one more layer of soil was put."

You've heard the expression "everything but the kitchen sink." Well, take it from me, there is no way that they left any room for the kitchen sink.

Gravitas:

Ah, but there is still the aforementioned problem of gravity which I quote once more, in case you missed it: "Volunteers were trying hard to bring gravity, dignity and holiness in the atmosphere fitting to the great occasion."

Not to worry ... gravity still works!

"The 1.5 ton stone was then soundly placed on top of it. There was a shower of flowers again. And the remaining gaps were filled tightly with soil."

You now understand why the monkey was anxious. I mean, you're not going to retrieve your cap from under a 1.5 ton stone if you just hang around being monkeylike.

I hope all our funerals are this much fun ... I could pass on the cow plops though.

Moo!

Cheerz....Bwana

Breakfast with Bwana

JANUARY 16, 2005

SONOROUS NONSENSE:

It seems that I was a bit premature in crediting the President with having an "accountability moment" when he said: ``I speak plainly sometimes, but you gotta be mindful of the consequences of the words. What would you call that? A confession, a regret, a something?'' (See Genes Of Regret And Hope, from January 14, below).

The President has hastened to clear up any misunderestimation we may have had of what he said. In other words, he wanted to be sure that his words did not have any misunintended misconsequences.
The President's misclarification arose in the context of an interview he gave to reporters from The Washington Post (misPost?):

The Post: In Iraq, there's been a steady stream of surprises. We weren't welcomed as liberators, as Vice President Cheney had talked about. We haven't found the weapons of mass destruction as predicted. The postwar process hasn't gone as well as some had hoped. Why hasn't anyone been held accountable, either through firings or demotions, for what some people see as mistakes or misjudgments?

THE PRESIDENT: Well, we had an accountability moment, and that's called the 2004 election. And the American people listened to different assessments made about what was taking place in Iraq, and they looked at the two candidates, and chose me, for which I'm grateful.

Listen, in times of war, things don't go exactly as planned. Some were saying there was no way that Saddam Hussein would be toppled as quickly as we toppled him. Some were saying there would be mass refugee flows and starvation, which didn't happen. My only point is, is that, on a complicated matter such as removing a dictator from power and trying to help achieve democracy, sometimes the unexpected will happen, both good and bad.

Well, I would have settled even for the President's saying that the "bad" stuff that happened was "unexpected."

The President's Instant Spin -- retracting his apology while suggesting that the election results constitute ratification of his Iraq policy was outdone only by Senator Edward (Ted) Kennedy. When the President's words were read to him and shown on the television monitor during his appearance on Face the Nation with Bob Schieffer, Senator Kennedy said: "That's ridiculous." He then went on to point out how Lyndon Johnson had been re-elected with a huge majority, but that was no ratification of his Vietnam policy.

When Schieffer asked Senator Kennedy: "Did you just call the President of the United States, ridiculous?" Kennedy backed off and said "The policies are ridiculous." This Instant Spin on what he had just said, may be taken by some as showing respect for the Office of the President while expressing disagreement with the positions taken by the occupant of that office.

I, for one, think that there is a time to point out the Emperor without clothes, that his nakedness, yes, even nakedness of logic, is showing.

For more fun on the subject of spin, readers might find Jim Baar's site, www.spinspeak.com and his book on Spinspeak interesting.

To change the topic, but only slightly, Tim Russert on Face The Nation, offered this from the Inaugural Address of President Warren Harding:

MR. RUSSERT: David Von Drehle, in The Washington Post, wrote a great summary of inaugural speeches way back in 1997. He referred to Warren Harding's speech, and this is amazing. I'm going to put it on the screen and try to read it.
"We have mistaken unpreparedness to embrace it to be a challenge of the reality and due concern for making all citizens fit for participation will give added strength of citizenship and magnify our achievement."

Mr. Russert then noted that H.L. Mencken said it was a "sonorous nonsense driven home with gestures."

Doris Kearns Goodwin chimed in: "In fact, he said it was so terrible, Mencken did, that it had a certain grandeur to it."

The President's protestations about the rectitude of his Iraq policy, coupled with his occasional lapses of reflection admitting he knows this not to be so (Dan Bartlett, his new counsel, offered a sort of apology, also on Meet The Press) are beginning to have a ring of sonorous nonsense. The problem is that for the families of the 1,300+ Americans and many thousands of Iraqis killed, and of the tens of thousands injured on both sides, it is so terrible that there is a certain sadness to it.

So, to the President's question: "What would you call that? A confession, a regret, a something?'' my answer is, yes, it's something. It's something else.

Cheerz....Bwana

Copyright © BwB 2005

Breakfast with Bwana

JANUARY 14, 2005

PRESIDENT BUSH INHERITS GENES OF REGRET AND APOLOGY:


You know, it's positively hereditary, or else, it must be infectious. I'm talking about the need to apologize and be kinder and gentler.

Consider that Harry, Prince of someplace or other in Her Majesty's Kingdom is now being told, by his father, to go to Auschwitz. Why? To be a kinder, gentler, Nazi? I mean, what are these people thinking? Of course, in fairness to the young man, he is trying to apologize, sort of. On the other hand, his father, Prince Chucky of Wails is wailing about the incident and apparently believes that a trip to Auschwitz will have a salutary effect on the young man's understanding of the Nazi horror, ameliorate his public humiliation, and, as well, mollify those who believe his Swastika-decorated costume was a gaffe. One wonders who, next to a Jew, should be more cognizant of Nazi horrors than a prince of England? Think of the thousands, upon thousands of Englishmen who died in the Great War to stave off the Hun. I mean, it may have been a mistake for the young man to wear the costume in the first place (although if it were a parody, that's another issue) but the handling of the PR makes one think that instead of being called PRince, these people should be called Wince.

Tom Utley wrote in The Daily Telegraph that the excuses amounted to saying that Harry was stupid. “But if it is true, then we are not talking about an average level of stupidity. We are talking about stupidity on an absolutely monumental scale” he said. Well, I'm not surprised given his genes. After all, if I were prosecuting Chucky for stupidity, I would rest my case after pointing out that he was bowled over by Camilla in preference to Diana.

Harry may have inherited more than stupidity. Chucky has apologized so many times for his own gaffes that it is probably a good bet that Harry got a bit of "I'd like to say I'm sorry" in his genes.

Closer to home, President Bush seems, after all, to be paying attention to rumblings from the people, or at least, feeling the roar of rumblings in the press. He has, apparently without any prodding from his Papa, apologized, or expressed regret . . . sort of. The President says that he was, perhaps, too blunt when he called for bringing Osama bin Laden to justice "dead or alive" and when he seemingly invited insurgents to attack American troops by his use of the "bring 'em on" challenge.

The President also revealed a newly found misenlightenment: ``One of the things I've learned is that words have consequences that you don't intend them to mean.'' See, he misunderestimated the repercussions and misrepercussions of his own words.

" 'Bring 'em on' was a classic example,'' he said. ``Those words had an unintended consequence. Some interpreted it to be defiance in the face of danger. That certainly wasn't the case.'' Now, some of you might interpret that language as coming pretty close to an apology. But, you have to give the President credit. He did not want to leave it to chance this time. I mean, it is not every day that you get misenlightened. So, perhaps a little too misclearly, he said: ``I speak plainly sometimes, but you gotta be mindful of the consequences of the words. What would you call that? A confession, a regret, a something?''

Can you believe it? He actually said: "I speak plainly sometimes. (italics supplied)

But, you see, inside those cowboy boots is, perhaps, lurking a sensitive, understanding, apologetic President.

Actually, I think it is important to recognize that the President's conscripting of two former Presidents, his father, George H. W. Bush 41 and Bill Clinton, was a master stroke of public relations. Some say that the idea originated with former President 42, but whatever, XLIII implemented it. Give him credit for showing a kinder, gentler face. And, the President has promised to be more diplomatic in the future.

That leads me to reflect that our President's genes may be coming into play. On the subject of being more diplomatic, his old man, in his Inaugural Address in 1989 said: "America is never wholly herself unless she is engaged in high moral principle. We as a people have such a purpose today. It is to make kinder the face of the Nation and gentler the face of the world."

The difference may be that this President is talking about a kinder and gentler visage shown to his enemies. His father's comment was with a different emphasis: "My friends, we have work to do. There are the homeless, lost and roaming. There are the children who have nothing, no love, no normalcy. There are those who cannot free themselves of enslavement to whatever addiction--drugs, welfare, the demoralization that rules the slums. There is crime to be conquered, the rough crime of the streets. There are young women to be helped who are about to become mothers of children they can't care for and might not love. They need our care, our guidance, and our education, though we bless them for choosing life."

It is fair to say that the President's leadership on the relief efforts in South Asia, are a reflection of some of these sentiments. It is fair to say, that a kinder, gentler President may have emerged.

The Senior President Bush also expressed his view of the role of faith. He prayed that God would help us to: " 'Use power to help people.' For we are given power not to advance our own purposes, nor to make a great show in the world, nor a name. There is but one just use of power, and it is to serve people. Help us to remember it, Lord. Amen."

For those who hope that this President's heredity might include some measure of the humility shown in those words, it is also well to remember that the senior President Bush expressed these thoughts too in that Inaugural Address:

"Great nations of the world are moving toward democracy through the door to freedom. Men and women of the world move toward free markets through the door to prosperity. The people of the world agitate for free expression and free thought through the door to the moral and intellectual satisfactions that only liberty allows.

We know what works: Freedom works. We know what's right: Freedom is right. We know how to secure a more just and prosperous life for man on Earth: through free markets, free speech, free elections, and the exercise of free will unhampered by the state. "


If these words were misunderestimated by the current President to mean that he should actively use the might of this nation bring freedom and free elections to the other nations of the world, then we have one of those situations in which words can have unintended consequences that you didn't mean.

However, there is hope. Merely stepping up to the edge of the pool of regret and seeing your reflection in the waters of apology is a good first step even if you don't jump in. Some day, he will learn that you don't drown in that pool merely because you acknowledge a mistake.

Meanwhile, we are left to see what manner of genes are lurking in those cowboy jeans.

Cheerz....

In celebration of the electoral victory of Mahmoud Abbas, also known
as Aba Daba Doo Mazzen, and in anticipation of the (no-they-will-not-
be-postponed) "elections" to be held in Iraq, or some portion
thereof, Bwana resurrects a piece written in October, just before the
short strokes phase of the US Presidential election.

I regret to inform you that since the US election is over, the
Complaint Department with respect to this piece is closed.

__________________________________

Breakfast with Bwana

October 24, 2004

SHOWDOWN FOR DEMOCRACY AT HAJ-ULLAF:


Nawab al-Khabari, a Kuwaiti journalist traveled to New York to work
on a story he was doing for Kuwaiti television. He met three
naturalized American citizens at the Haj-ullaf Conference Center at
the Permanent Delegation of the Organization of the Islamic
Conference (see www.oic-un.org) in United Nations Plaza.. Hassan bin
al-Hsub and Abdul ud-Yrrek are Iraqi immigrants who have led
prosperous, if undistinguished, lives in Detroit, Michigan and
Madison, Wisconsin, respectively. The third American, Mohammed ur-
Redan, the scion of a Lebanese family is a former school teacher now
curator of the American Institute of Democracy Museum in Rittenhouse
Square in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

Nawab did not hesitate to engage his invited guests in a
discussion of their views on American foreign policy and the upcoming
election. Needless to say, the two Iraqi-Americans were quite vocal
about the war.

Hassan bin al-Hsub grew animated: "My family was tortured by that
murderer Saddam," he said, using the former dictator's first
name. "He even tried to kill my father. And what was the crime of
my father and my family? Nothing ... nothing ... they were against
the merciless attacks on Kuwait by Saddam. In the name of Allah,
the Compassionate, the Merciful, it is the right of people to be
free. But not for the PIG. And make no mistake, by the witness of
the Prophet, blessed be his name, I do not care if he had no nuclear
program or chemical or biological weapons ... regardless, that
Saddam was really a PIG." al-Hsub spat on the ground as he uttered
the ultimate insult for one Muslim to another. "The world is well
rid of him. The Iraqi people will be free in the name of Allah.
And, for the American people, there can be no greater mission than to
bring democracy to the Arab world and peace for all people. I am
with the President."

Abdul ud-Yrrek, pulled up his shirt to display a scar. "I have
been in battle my friend. When the Americans first came to Iraq
under the father of this President and launched the Gulf War, I was
there ... it was before I moved to America. We fought against the
American helicopters with our rifles. I have shrapnel in my side to
prove it. By the Grace of the Prophet, praised be his name, the
Americans left and did not march into Baghdad. I was decorated by
Rais Saddam Hussein twice for my sacrifice. But then I went back to
Baghdad and spoke against the torture of the Kurdish women and
children in the North. Saddam who brooked no dissent, turned against
me. Now, I am an American citizen but I am uneasy that my country is
attacking my country. Yes, my brother, Hassan" he addressed al-Hsub
respectfully, "he the Pig was a PIG. But, in the name of Allah, the
Compassionate the Merciful, what threat was he to the Americans?
Everyday, I see on the television that people are being killed ...
hundreds of Americans but thousands of Iraqis. My cousins have been
killed. The Americans talk about terrorists and insurgents. My
cousins are not insurgents. They are poor people ... they have
nothing. They are not terrorists. If the American government had
listened to the French and the German governments in the UN, they
would have waited for the inspections. That would have shown that
Saddam had nothing. In America and in Iraq, we need schools for
education and hospitals and health care for the society. This war
will not bring such things but only give the terrorists another
reason to be strong. The war has killed more Iraqis than Saddam
Hussein killed in all the years he was the dictator."

Mohammed ur-Redan who had been in the background looked almost
shy when Nawab turned to him. At first, he seemed recusant. Nawab
pressed: "What do you think of the situation in Iraq?"

ur-Redan paused, pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped
his brow. "I am not an Iraqi. Yes, I am from a family with roots in
the Middle East, but I am American by birth. I hear the American
government leaders talk about bringing democracy to Iraq. But, at
home, we are a nation divided in two parts. It is not a democracy,
it is a demi-cracy." He laughed at his own weak joke, and then,
gathering himself, wiped his brow again and intoned: "If they bring
their kind of democracy to Iraq, it will be followed by corporations
who come to exploit the people and sell them cars that will pollute
their air. There will be special interest groups, the Shia and the
Sunni will split the spoils and exclude everybody else. If I were a
Kurd, I would be worried. I think this war is for the oil and the
big corporations. I have seen American forces in Lebanon, the
homeland of my ancestors. What democracy have they brought there?"

bin al-Hsub could not contain himself any longer. "No, no, you
do not understand the power of evil Those who do evil are evil
doers. We cannot wait for them to do evil to us. We must deal with
them firmly. The Pig Saddam had to go. I am grateful to America.
They are going to spend billions of dollars to reconstruct Iraq once
the fighting is stopped and my brothers will have the money of the
Americans for rebuilding and reconstruction so that there will be no
need for high taxes on the Iraqi people. That will stimulate their
economy and with the development of their resources, Iraq will be a
free country. I am happy that my new country America will do all
this for the Iraqi people and make it possible for other countries in
the Middle East to see the benefits of being protected by America and
democracy."

Abdul ud-Yrrek needed no prompting: "The Iraqis have no jobs.
We have destroyed the country and people have lost their jobs. They
have no hospitals and no health care,"

Nawab looked pensively into the camera. One could sense the
fatigue creeping over him. He had so wanted to capture the essence
of democracy for his audience back home in Kuwait. "So .... " he
paused, "you, bin al-Hsub, will vote for President Bush and you, ud-
Yrrek, will vote for the Senator from Massachusetts, John Kerry? bin
al-Hsub and Abdul ud-Yrrek nodded to signify their agreement. "And
you, ur-Redan, you will vote for neither?"

ur-Redan shook his head and said: "No, I cannot vote for them. One
is as bad as the other."

Nawab cleared his throat nervously: "If one of you votes for the
President and one of you votes for Senator Kerry, and one of you
votes for neither, how does this democracy work?"

"Ah, to know this, you must understand the electoral college," ur-
Redan said. "But, I warn you, they have hijacked the electoral
college so that only the big parties can win."

Nawab looked at the camera and said: "For you my countrymen in
Kuwait, next week, we will explain how the electoral college works to
make a divided country into a democratic one."

As the cameraman shut off the lights and put his equipment away,
Nawab asked of no one in particular: "Why didn't the Americans make
an electoral college in Afghanistan and Iraq?" Ur-Redan muttered
softly: "They have no judiciary to decide who will win."


----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------


For my readers:

The Organization of the Islamic Conference is real. Their Permanent
Delegation to the UN is in Geneva. The web site address is
authentic.

Haj-ullaf, Hsub, Yrrek, and Redan are "Fallujah" "Bush" "Kerry"
and "Nader" spelled backwards.

Some of you will have realized, by now, that "Nawab" is an anagram
of "Bwana."

Cheerz.....Nawab Bwana

© Copyright, BWB 2004

Breakfast with Bwana

JANUARY 11, 2005

SQUATTER'S RIGHTS:

Readers will recall my comment on the appointment of Gen. Gary E. Luck ("Luck-E" to us, if not for us) to review the situation in Iraq and submit a "confidential" report to Secretary Rumsfeld. Some of you may recall my suggestion that, notwithstanding bureaucratic palaver, the conclusions he should draw, sans blinders, are pretty obvious and foreshadowed by reality. I am not necessarily suggesting that I expect reality to trump the desire of the polyhedron of defense in terms of final conclusions.

It is not bad enough that the Ship of State seems to be running aground on multiple policy fronts. Here, I leave it to the reader, whatever your view is of the rectitude or foolhardiness of our policy, to fill in the blanks as to what ails the system. _____ _____ _____ ______. There you go. I trust that four blanks to fill in, will satisfy all of your childish urges.

But, what merits attention today, is a report of a different sort of grounding.

A United States nuclear submarine, the San Francisco, ran aground Saturday 350 miles south of Guam, in the Pacific Ocean, injuring about 20 crew members, one of them critically, the Navy said.

There was no damage to the reactor that powers the submarine and the ship's hull was intact, said Petty Officer Alyssa Batarla, a Navy spokeswoman.

The cause is under investigation.

Now, I rush to say that if one is of Bwanaian disposition, one is likely to say that the investigation is not necessary. The cause may quite easily be determined as:

i. the ocean bed was higher than the Captain (or his designee in charge at the moment) thought, or

ii. the water was not as deep as the above-mentioned person(s) thought, or

iii. they weren't where they thought they were, or

iv. Vladimir Putin put Dioxin in the Captain's soup.

Well, things are really not quite that simple when it comes to major investigations and major catastrophes. In other words, there is no such thing as Luck-E when it comes to cutting to the chase on these matters.

I want to digress here for a moment to say that the reason this particular incident is considered "major" is because we are dealing with a "new-killer" sub. For those of you who do not understand a Texas drawl from Midland, "new-killer" in normal English is "nuclear." I mean, if we were dealing with a mere container ship with unscreened cargo carrying shipments of contraband for possible use by terrorists, we wouldn't be nearly as upset. But, if it is a "new-killer" sub, wow, we better get antsy.

On another note of digression, you know this intuitively because even as we speak of the horror of the Tsunami, we measure its seriousness by the number killed, not by the number of living who are disaffected. That number is perhaps a hundred times the death toll. And, we measure our response, not by the compassion we show, but by the total dollars. But, that's for another day.

We have had other groundings. The Exxon Valdez is perhaps the most notorious because of the sheer magnitude of the damage it caused to Pristine William Sound. (Okay, okay, I know it is "Prince" William Sound, but Pristine Sounds better.)

Then, of course, there was the QE2, that magnificent oceanliner owned by Cunard which ran aground off the coast of Massachusetts. Here is what was determined about that particular lack of depth:

In August 1992, the QE2 had her taste of bad luck as well. While cruising in the Vineyard Sound off the coast of Massachusetts she ran aground, and damaged large parts of her keel and bow. . . . How could the QE2 have run aground in waters known to be deep enough for her? The answer came after serious investigation. The conclusion had been drawn and it was the so-called 'squat-effect' that was to blame. This phenomenon is created when larger vessels travel through water at higher speed. The shape and speed of the ship pushes the surrounding water away, literally digging a hole in the water for the ship. What was discovered during the investigation was that this effect was greatly increased while travelling at higher speeds, which the QE2 was doing at the moment of the grounding. The amount of water pushed away was simply larger than expected, and thereby the ship also had a lesser depth of water to sail in."

Well, as a lawyer, I have heard my fair share of BS whether from witnesses, experts, adversaries, colleagues, yea, even judges. I have not actually heard of someone delivering it while in "squat-effect."

But, there you are.

Now, you know why the cause of the grounding of the "new-killer" sub is likely to be more complicated than appears at first blush. You see, the rational mind that says the water was not deep enough, is treading in dangerous waters. We must let the experts squat and look the situation over, so they can tell us.

So, General Luck-E is going to tell us why things are not going well in Iraq. Maybe he'll conclude that there is a multi-sect "squat effect" going on. Iyad Allawi is trying to squat in the Presidential office. The Sunnis want to squat in front of the polling places and shoot anyone who tries to vote. Ayatollah Sistani wants to squat until power is delivered to him by the sheer weight of the Shiite majority. The Kurds have been squatting for centuries. They are accustomed to it.

And, our leadership doesn't seem to know squat.

Cheerz....Bwana

Breakfast with Bwana

JANUARY 8, 2005

WITH A LITTLE BIT OF BLOOMIN' LUCK:

Prefatory comment: My reaction to the drafting of General Luck to do a review in Iraq, inevitably led to thinking of the wonderful song from My Fair Lady. Herewith my adaptation.


The Lord above gave Dubya a war to fight
So he could go to Iraq and bring freedom
The Lord above gave Dubya a war to fight
But, with a little bit of luck, with a little bit of luck
Iyad Allawi will start to lead them
(With a little bit, with a little bit)
(With a little bit of luck Allawi will start to lead them)

The Lord above made Iraqis for saving
To see if they could be freed from Saddam
The Lord above made Iraqis for saving
But, with a little bit of luck, with a little bit of luck
When election day comes they'll give a damn
(With a little bit, with a little bit)
(With a little bit of luck they'll give a damn)

Oh you can unite the Shia, Sunni and Kurd
But with a little bit of luck they'll get the word



The Shiite sect was made to serve and pray
To share with Sunnis faith and money from oil
The Shiite sect was made to serve and pray
But, with a little bit of luck, with a little bit of luck
The Kurds won't bring it to a boil
(With a little bit, with a little bit)
(With a little bit of luck Kurds won't bring it to a boil)
(With a little bit, with a little bit)
(With a little bit of bloomin' luck)
The Lord above made America to spread freedom
No matter where on land or sea or foam
The Lord above made America to spread freedom
But, with a little bit of luck, with a little bit of luck
NOT FOR ISLAMISTS WITH A MOSQUE AND DOME!!
(With a little bit, with a little bit)
(With a little bit of luck not with mosque and dome)

They're always throwing insurgents at you
But, with a little bit of luck the US can win

Oh it's a crime for us to go nation buildin'
And fill the world with death and doubt
Oh it's a crime for us to go nation buildin'
But, with a little bit of luck, with a little bit of luck
Before the Shiite hits, we'll declare victory and pull out
(With a little bit, with a little bit)
(With a little bit of luck we'll declare victory and pull out)
(With a little bit, with a little bit)
(With a little bit of bloomin' luck)


A government was meant to support its troops
Providing bullets and armor for their tanks
A government was meant to support its troops
But, with a little bit of luck, with a little bit of luck
We'll manage not to deplete their ranks
(With a little bit, with a little bit)
(With a little bit of luck we won't deplete their ranks)

(He doesn't have a clue as to why we're losing)
(A retired General given lots of rope )
(He doesn't have a clue as to why we're losing)
(But, with a little bit of luck, with a little bit of luck)
(He'll dig up the same old dope)
(With a little bit, with a little bit)
(With a little bit of luck it's the same old dope)
(With a little bit, with a little bit)
(With a little bit of bloomin' luck)



Apologies to:

With A Little Bit Of Luck
Stanley Holloway, Gordon Dilworth, and Rod McLennan
Words and Music by Alan Jay Lerner and Frederick Loewe

-From the Broadway musical "My Fair Lady."

Cheerz... Bwana

Breakfast with Bwana

JANUARY 8, 2005

GETTING LUCKY IN IRAQ:

The Secretary of American Defense (SAD) Donald Rumsfeld met, Thursday, January 6, with his top military and civilian aides, according to a report in The New York Times. SAD conscripted General (ret'd) Gary E. Luck, a former head of US forces in the Korean peninsula and now serving as an advisor to the Joint Forces Command, to go to Iraq. Gary, known to his friends as "Luck-E Gary" is to look at all areas of the operation, identify any weaknesses and report back in a few weeks with a confidential assessment.

I suppose it's okay to hire a consultant for such things. After all, it has not escaped Bwana's attention that everyday, American CEOs hire management consultants who don't know the first thing about their businesses to tell them how to go about fixing what they have fouled up. And, everyday, American investors listen to thousands of analysts, 99% of whom have NEVER run a business, telling them which company's business strategy will lead to what level of market share, growth, earnings, and -- mirabile dictu -- a higher stock price.

Now, if there is anything one can predict about the Armed Forces command, it is that they will outdo everybody else in finding determinable levels of incompetence. Unlike the rest of us "normal" Americans who are content with hiring a consultant who knows nothing about the area of consultation, the commanders and SAD will, inevitably find someone who has demonstrably already screwed up, as their man for the job. So what are Luck-E's credentials? No, not that ... he was not the inventor of the $10,000 toilet seat.

What we do know is that Luck-E was a senior advisor to General "Deaf, Dumb and Blind Pinball Wizard" Tommy Franks at his war-time HQ in Qatar. According to The New York Times, "a principal focus" of Luck-E's foray "will be to address one of the biggest problems facing the military in Iraq today: how to train Iraqi soldiers and police officers to replace the American troops now securing the country." This is the guy who advised Pinball Tommy on how to achieve what the President has called a "catastrophic success." That man has a way with words, don't he?

Did I read that correctly? Are American forces now "securing" the country? If you look at the same edition of the Times, the column right next to the one we are discussing has the headline: "SOME IRAQ AREAS UNSAFE FOR VOTE, U.S. GENERAL SAYS." This General, with a grasp for the obvious (for which he is likely to be fired - you see, having a reality-based view of the tactical situation rather than sticking to the goal-oriented military objective view - is a violation of the UCMJ, Uniform Cacophony of Military Jerks, a required membership unit for high command officers) is Lt. Gen. Thomas Metz.

Now, I pause to note that Metz, who, from the time that he revealed his ill-advised brush with reality, has come to be known affectionately to the rank and file as "General Mess" is only a Lieutenant General. To my Brit colleagues and readers, there is no "F" in "Lieutenant." Yes, if you insist, you may continue to say "LeF-tenn-ent" but if you had a $10,000 dollar toilet seat built by your command, you'd pronounce it "Loo-tenant" too, just as we doo doo here. See, etymology is fun, isn't it? But, I digress.

Luck-E was not chosen for the obvious fact that he also outshines former Democratic Presidential hopeful, John Kerry who has only three purple hearts and a bronze star. Together, those do not match Luck-E's four stars. Also, in addition to being Pinball Wizard's sidekick this time around, Luck-E commanded the XVIII Airborne Corps in the Persian Gulf in 1991. That, I recall, is when the Iraqi Air Force smuggled all its combat aircraft out of Iraq right under his nose and parked them in Iran. Not that it mattered, since we used so many cruise missiles before the laser guided bombs were launched from altitudes thousands of feet above the range of anti-aircraft fire. So, another video game jockey is now being sent to assess the situation on the ground.

We might well ask, what is the purpose for having Luck-E go to Iraq and what might we expect him to find and report? It is way below Bwana's standards to suggest that snagging of a bit of Luck by SAD is merely a subterfuge, so I will not do that. Let us indulge in the possibility that this is a sincere effort to find out what is going on.

Early last year, Major General Karl Eikenberry recommended that the Pentagon slow down fielding the new Iraqi army to focus on building militia units of what is now the Iraqi National Guard. Last April, Major General David Petraeus was sent to help step up the training and equipping of Iraqi security forces. American commanders have "expressed disappointment in the performance of many of the Iraqi forces" according to the Times. You guessed it -- yes, Petraeus was promoted to LeF-tenn-ent er... Loo-tennant General and put in charge of the training program.

Between Eikenberry and Petraeus, the Iraqi forces now providing security -- as for the projected election -- number 127,000 which falls far short of the 270,000 Iraqi officials have estimated would be necessary to secure the country on election day. Another comment in the newspaper's reportage, includes the comment by a Pentagon official that, although the current mix of US forces in Iraq is a 50-50 split between active-duty and reserve units, the active duty share in the next rotation will grow to 70% because the Army is simply running out of reserve units to call up.

So, Luck-E's report will say that the Iraqi training program has not worked; there is a short fall of more than 50% between what is needed and what exists; that US forces do not have enough manpower and there is no way to get reservists to go without extending the current limits of 24 months on their active service. It probably will not say that Eikenberry and Petraeus screwed up.

By the way, the Armed Forces are already looking for authority to increase manpower by 30,000 active-duty soldiers and contemplating a change in rules to allow reservists to be called up for multiple tours as long as each does not exceed 24 months.

Doesn't it sound like we already know what we need to know and what Luck-E will find? Now, before you leap to answer, go back to the first paragraph of this comment and you will note that SAD wants Luck-E's report to be "confidential." Bwana wants to expose this for what it is -- another episode in the belief of SAD and the UCMJ that if you take the obvious truth and put it in a "confidential" report, it somehow becomes a secret.

As for General Mess, in commenting on the impact of the inadequate security on the elections and the fear of voters, he said: "Part of democracy is the right to choose. If people choose to boycott the election, that is their choice."

Really, folks, General Mess really, really said that. I did not make it up. Did you ever think that the day would come when a country claiming to bring democracy to another would have one of its armed forces spokespeople say it is okay not to vote if you choose to stay away because you are afraid that by exercising your right to vote, you will be killed? Maybe General Mess won't be fired, after all. In the grand tradition of UCMJ, he said the right thing.

What a mess. I don't think we are going to get lucky on this one, even with Luck-E.

Cheerz....Bwana

Breakfast with Bwana

DECEMBER 13 , 2004

FAT AS A FIDDLE:
OK, we can all relax and breathe easier now, what with Vice being still SOB (short of breath) as we have noted. Doctors at the National Naval Medical Center pronounced the President to be in a "superior" fitness category for men of his age.

There were some minor problems and one major problem noted. The minor problems included a small lesion on his left shoulder that had to be removed. Doctors theorized that this came from repeatedly throwing salt over his shoulder during the run up to the election. Doctors suggested no salt while the wound is open. The President also was said to have "a mild high frequency hearing loss that does not affect everyday conversation and an optic condition that has the effect of farsightedness and causes him to occasionally use reading glasses." Doctors were at a loss to explain the high frequency hearing loss since it usually affects only those who listen well. However, one of the audiologists noted that the moral majority has been agitating at an even higher pitch than before the election, so that this may be the price of rallying the troops. A joint committee of Opthalmic experts and Optometrists concluded that the findings on farsightedness were illusory and advised the President to continue his avoidance of newspapers so as not to create undue reliance on outside aids for focus.

The major problem is, of course, that ... well ... the Prez is a bit chunky. It seems that he has packed on almost six pounds since his last check up. President Jacques Chirac, taking note of the 2.7 kg adornment, gleefully called Gerhard Schroeder and said "Tros gros. Il est horrible." Chancellor Schroeder, not known for his linguistic prowess, asked "was sind Sie Jacques sagend?" The conversation ended soon enough.

The President himself emerged somewhat sheepishly after this annual peregrination that all presidents must endure to be palpated and poked by physicians prior to the public pronouncement of physical well-being, and offered this excuse ``I obviously have gone through a campaign where I probably ate too many doughnuts, if you get my drift.''

Upon hearing this, Bernard Kerik called his broker to inquire whether he had any uncashed options in Krispy Kreme.

Now, we were not satisfied with the President's explanation, so we called the First Lady. Mrs. Bush, as you know is wholly supportive of her husband, but delicately, with her usual charming smile gave a somewhat different prandial assessment of the cause: "Well, my husband has been occupied with elections quite a bit lately. There was the Afghan election and we're awaiting the election in Iraq and, then, of course, there was that horrible thing with John Kerry. I don't know about the doughnuts, but a lot of Republicans are saying that George ate John Kerry's lunch. I didn't see that when they got together for the debates and I don't know if that would account for the 6 pounds. Some even said that he put blue ketchup together with the traditional red ketchup, but I never saw that. It would have looked purple and I don't think I would have missed that."

The President rejects the notion that God wants him to be tubby. He has vowed to jog to church for prayers. News of this has caused a support group, the Holy Coalition of Obese Worshippers (Holy "COW") to say their firm behinds strongly support the President. No. Wait. They said they are firmly behind and strongly support the President.

At any rate, the Commander in Chief is back on the job full of fitness and almost 3 extra kg. The first order of business as he told Condi is: "Condi, this Kerik thing is an embarrassment. We have to find a new S-H-I-T."

"A new S-H-I-T? Mr. President?"

"Yes, Condi. That's Secretary of Homeland Intelligence and Terrorism."

"Omigosh, Mr. President, that kind of describes the job, doesn't it?" purred Condi. "But, you know, it was something else with Kerik. That the guy was Commissioner of Police and didn't know she was illegal. I mean, you could have knocked me over with a feather. And I told Colin Powell right from the get go that I had a bad feeling about Kerrik -- the name sounds too much like, well, you know, the election all over again."

"Condi, I'm hungry. I'd like a Krispy Kerry ... er Krispy Kreme."

The President is fit for duty. He is fat as a fiddle.

Cheerz....Bwana

Paul Krugman's column in The New York Times today, Jan 7, makes the point that neither Kerik nor Rudy Giuliani was a hero of 9/11 but each played one on TV and was quick to cash in afterwards. I'm posting the piece I wrote on December 24, making the same point, my way.
Bwana
January 7, 2005


Breakfast with Bwana

DECEMBER 24, 2004

MERRY TURBULENCE:
It has been quite a while since Prezzy told us of his first encounter with Putin, some four years ago: "I looked into Vlad -ee--mer's eyes and saw Dioxin." Two days ago, Vlad-ee-mer gave himself quite a Christmas present via Rosneft which, via Baikal Finans took over, Yuganskneftegaz, which will, eventually, all be wrapped up into Gazprom. After all is said and done, in a bid to continue its headlong tilt toward free market reform and to gain name brand recognition in the West, Gazprom will be known as Dioxin International.
Vlad-ee-mer is sort of reminiscent of T. Boone Pickens and his corporate raider stunts, isn't he? Oh, by the way, T. B. is not quite done; he's still spreading his infectious little self. Why, just this morning, The New York Times reports that he has given $250,000 to Prezzy's Inaugural Committee and that he gave about $5.5 million to the Progress for America Voter Fund and Swift Boat Vets and P.O.W.'s for Truth. T. B. is only one of many "donors" who have, so far, put up $8 million to ensure that Prezzy and Laura have a real nice dance party, y'hear. I am most impressed with his charitable spirit and willingness to put up so much money for the pursuit of truth.
On the subject of charitable spirit, I have no brief for Bernard Kerik, but Rudy Giuliani's desert-the-sinking-(friend)ship-like-a-scared-rat act is despicable. I know, I know, Rudy-the-Red-Nosed-Patriot conducted himself with poise and aplomb after 9/11. But, so did Mike Dukakis, after the great blizzard of 1978. I mean, it's not hard to stand up and tell everybody to be strong, keep their chins up, dig up the rubble and find the dead bodies without tears, and remember that we are all strong Americans and will not buckle, especially when you are the Mayor and don't have to do the digging or cleaning, and really have no responsibility about deciding what the nation will do to respond. Even Prezzy gave a speech that warmed the cockles of our stars and stripes after 9/11 about how we were going to kick derriers even if, after we did, we left our own exposed.
Rudy-the-Red-Nosed-Moneygrubber didn't hesitate to cash in on the 9/11 bonanza with his consulting firm. I don't begrudge Giuliani his success -- after all, if corporate America is willing to pay for his services, they must know what they are getting. They've put up $8 million so far for the Inaugural Committee and the total is targeted at $40 million -- yes, these folks know where to shop with their hard earned money. However, what gets me is that he pushed Kerik out and the way in which he did it. There was the obligatory save-face speech by Kerik in which he allowed as how the turmoil around him was affecting the company and Giuliani and how Kerik saw that as unfair to them. There was the obligatory corporate statement that Giuliani accepted-with-regret-the-resignation. However, it was also announced immediately, that the name of the firm will be changed from Giuliani-Kerick Bloodsuckers Group, to Giuliani-Solo-Pig, Inc. Giuliani, not one to abjure a kick-the-dirty-dog-while-he-is-down swipe that would make Pele or Beckham proud, said that he thought Kerik had made the "right" decision. Sure, "right" for Giuliani. But, why the hypocrisy of saying you accepted the resignation with regret, if you are going to say it was the right decision?
I know that Rudolph-the-Red-Nosed-Blue-Stater is said to have hopes of being President. It will be well for Americans to keep in mind that this is an exploiter, not a loyal guy, not a guy who stands up for his friends, and, well, quite frankly, not a charitable guy, given what I see here. It sure would have been a good friend to have let Kerik take a 3-6 month leave of absence to see what shook out. After all, we Americans have short memories and have forgiven larger transgressions. And I say all this, not really caring about Kerik, one way or the other. I just hope that Americans don't fall for yet another creep questing for the White House.
But it's Christmas, and I want to be charitable. I was thinking about Iraq and Iran when I heard of the release of the French news 'ostages. It struck me as funny, that Chirac was there welcoming them back almost as war heroes from a war he didn't join. But I was glad that their Christmas will be cheerful. Then, I thought about Jimmy Carter's botched attempt to rescue the hostages in Iran back in 1979.
And speaking of forgiving smaller transgressions, wouldn't it be nice if we could fire up a Black Hawk and see if T. B. or H. Ross Perot would finance a rescue attempt to free Martha Stewart who is being held hostage in West Virginia. I mean Christmas is not the same without her wonderful hints like "How to prepare your Christmas fruitcake batter while taking a Jacuzzi" or "how to make Christmas tree ornaments from Llegs panty hose packages." I say this because the other day, Prezzy didn't include Martha in his list of those pardoned this Christmas. Most of the people he pardoned seemed to have been bank embezzlers.
And I think we should be charitable to Dick (why would a grown man call himself that?) Cheney. Let's chip in and get him a defribillator. Let's get Rumpy a flak jacket. Let's get Condi one of those home hair cutting and trim kits so she get that wedge of hair out of her face. And let's get Prezzy a subscription to The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Wall Street Journal, The L.A. Times, and The Guardian. After all, don't you think it's time he started reading the newspapers to find out what is going on?
Most of all, let's be charitable to ourselves and to each other. Merry Turbulence to all.

Cheerz.... Bwana Claus

Breakfast with Bwana

JANUARY 6, 2005

THE YEAR OF THE RAT - REVISITED:

Happy New Year to all. A little belated perhaps, but well timed for the Chinese new year which will occur soon enough, for us to be timely. In any event, I don't like those cards shamelessly proclaiming one's tardiness in sending greetings late, usually for the recipient's birthday. Not only has one succeeded in making the well wished feel neglected to begin with, but the well-wished is older than s/he would have been. The crime is compounded.
So, let's celebrate the Chinese New Year in the year of the RAT. Okay, okay, I know this is the year of the ROOSTER and I certainly know that Bill Clinton was re-elected in the year of the RAT the last time that rolled around. Oh, for those curious about such things, Bush XLIII was first elected in the year of the DRAGON and re-elected in the year of the MONKEY.
But it sure feels like the year of the RAT.
Out of Kenya comes the story that worker's at Nairobi's main fresh food market killed some 6,000 rats and trucked away 800 tons of garbage in the first major cleanup in 30 years. Officials deny that the cleanup was in celebration of BaRAT Obama's swearing in as US Senator. This story, out of Kenya, would probably have been titled Out of Africa if one were a movie producer. What? That's taken? You don't say? Amazing, isn't it, that in the electoral triumph of the Red states, all the Republicans could do was find Alan Keyless to run a ratty campaign in opposition.
The Nairobi story is interesting because the cleaner-uppers reported that garbage was piled some 7 feet deep and after 42,269 gallons of water were used for the cleanup, some traders were reportedly surprised that there was tarmac underfoot, beneath the 30-year old accumulation. If one is eclectic and cares about such things, the amount of water used was 160,000 litters.
The saga of the rats continued when Baseball's Hall of Rats nominated Wade Boggs on the first ballot. Now, I know Boggs played fabulous baseball in a Boston Red Sox uniform as well as in the pinstripes and much of his fabulous career was a well-honed display of how prima donna hitters should misbehave. But, how many of you know that Boggs, who earned millions for playing rat-a-tat-tat with the baseball bat, also plays rat-a-tat-tat against defenseless animals with firearms? And, I'm talking about big game and threatened species. After killing a hippo, he joyously recounted how the locals thought he was the Great White Hunter. What a miserable human being to get pleasure out of hanging trophies of animals he has killed. One wonders if this gutless jerk would have been willing to face a leopard (yes, he killed one of those beautiful cats which are an endangered species) with just a baseball bat in his hand. I'd take Roar vs. Wade on that one.
DemocRATS were terribly upset that President Bush nominated AlbeRATo Gonzales to be RATtorney General of the United States, particularly because he ostensibly sanctioned torture and opined that the Geneva Convention should not apply to enemy CombRATants. It's amazing, isn't it, how these guys get religion once they are under public scrutiny. It seems to me that somehow we lost sight of the fact that the Geneva Convention was designed to protect one's own prisoners of war -- a reciprocity gained by protecting the other side's prisoners. When Al-Qaeda and their ilk capture prisoners, they usually behead them. Does that excuse torture? No. But not because of the Geneva Convention. Rather, because decent human beings shouldn't behave that way and that was the genesis of the Geneva Convention in the first place. But, never fear -- Gonzales has proclaimed that he is a decent human being -- I mean what else would you expect from someone who has lived the American Dream?
The good news is RATS are not all bad. Again, Out of Africa comes another story -- rats bred in Tanzania, are being used in Mozambique to sniff out land mines. Rats have a very strong sense of smell which helps them sniff out the scent of the explosives used in land mines. Their light weight prevents the mines from setting off.
The bad news is that Out of Nairobi came the added observation that although 6,000 rats were killed, a like number escaped. Obviously, one of them ended up playing baseball in Boston and New York. I'd like to harness him to sniff out land mines instead of snuffing out endangered game.
Oh what a game is this baseball. Oh what heroes rats can be when they sniff out landmines. Oh what rats baseball heroes can be when they snuff out defenseless animals.
Rats!
Cheerz.....Bwana

Here is a piece I wrote in February 2003 before the invasion of Iraq.

IS WAR INTUITIVELY RIGHT OR INTUITIVELY WRONG? In the pantheon of living evil-doers Saddam Hussein yields top spot only to Osama bin Laden. Idi Amin of Uganda, long sent to a sandy Saudi pasture is a distant memory. Slobodan Milosevich, now begins the second year of conducting his own defense at his war crimes trial, in relentless confirmation of the adage that he who represents himself has a fool for a client. When the President promised to take the number one evil-doer Osama bin Laden down, to bring him to justice, or to bring justice to him, yea to get him "Dead or Alive" we were not troubled by his Texas Ranger bravado, we welcomed it.Yet, when it comes to taking Saddam Hussein out by force, there seems to be a disquiet about whether war is the right way to do it, at this time. Protests around the world against the impending war, a fracture in the seams of our carefully nurtured alliance with post-war western Europe, and questions about whether the United Nations is truly behind an American led adventure with support from Tony Blair and a handful of small European nations, have served only to confuse many Americans about whether they should support the President or not.How did this come about? In no small measure, the Bush Administration, starting with the President is responsible for sowing the seeds of confusion and leaving us with no clear answers as to whether this war is intuitively right or intuitively wrong.For starters, most Americans want to support the President and our troops, particularly our troops. To be sure, there are many who will always be opposed to any form of military action. It is easy to dismiss them as pacifists but many of those opposed to war as an instrument of foreign policy focus on the suffering of innocent civilians as well as the social and economic costs of armed conflict as the raison d’etre of their position. Then there are those who will say that it is about time America flexed its muscle as far as Iraq is concerned. Some of these Americans are concerned that we do not do enough to silence those who would attack American interests and promote terrorism against our country.A large segment of our populace, however, remains unconvinced, ambivalent or confused. This group is far too large and diverse for the President to ignore. A war said to be in the national interest must demonstrably be shown to the people to be in the national interest. An administration that fails to rally unequivocal national support from the majority, risks falling into the kind of alienation we saw arising from the Vietnam war.When Saddam Hussein’s forces invaded Kuwait, President Bush, the elder, declared: "This will not stand." America stood with him. The world came to stand with him. A similar stirring call to deal with Saddam Hussein by force has not been articulated … at least, not so far. Efforts to place him in the number one spot among evil-doers have not worked. He has not displaced Osama bin Laden.Now, almost a dozen years later, President George W. Bush has declared that it is time for Saddam Hussein to disarm or to be forcibly disarmed. There has been no explanation of why, after some eleven years of containment, this man should be considered an imminent threat. The Administration’s failure to make a case for urgent action on disarmament might be explained by the fact that its initially stated goal was to bring about "regime change," not simply to disarm Saddam. Americans, brought up to believe that regime change should take place by the democratic process of elections, recoil at the thought that we as a country would use military force to bring about regime change. There is something fundamentally antithetical to the idiom of American political thought in such a concept.Secretary of State Colin Powell, apparently urging the President to take his case to the United Nations, at first appeared to be a voice of moderation in the Administration. This was surely wise counsel. The threat that the United States would go it alone – with Tony Blair in tow – seemed to suggest that the Administration was ready to make Iraq the first target of its newly announced policy of preemptive action. Strictly speaking, that was not the case since the new policy was never officially linked to a contemplated action against Saddam Hussein. Indeed, the preemption doctrine was not even officially in place when President Bush went to the United Nations.Nevertheless, the perception of the United States as an arrogant bully and the President as a cowboy seems to have stuck both abroad and at home. Just last week, Senator Robert Byrd of West Virginia in a speech on the Senate floor declared that this nation is about to embark upon the first test of a revolutionary doctrine of preemption, the idea that we can legitimately attack a nation that is not an imminent threat but may be a future threat. He went so far as to declare this doctrine a contravention of international law and of the UN charter.The Administration’s case need not, however, have been so complicated. More simply stated, the case is this: Saddam Hussein wrongfully – and in contravention of international law and the UN Charter – attacked Kuwait. The United States, as part of a force sanctioned by the UN Security Council, drove him out of Iraq. He sued for peace and, among the conditions of his remaining in power, was that he would destroy all existing weapons of mass destruction under verification of UN inspectors. Thus, as Prime Minister Tony Blair has explained, UN inspections are not meant to be a hide-and-seek game with the inspectors looking for weapons. Rather, they are intended to be an exercise conducted with the full cooperation of the Iraqi government as it affirmatively demonstrates that it has indeed destroyed its stockpiles of chemical and biological weapons and precursors used for their production, and that it is not pursuing the acquisition of nuclear weapons.The Administration’s contention, backed at least to that extent by Hans Blix, is that the Iraqi regime has not been cooperative and that it has failed to account for significant quantities of chemical and biological agents. "Significant quantities" means tons, not isolated samples, and enough to cause massive injuries and loss of life. The Iraqi regime’s 12,000 page Declaration of what happened to its weapons of mass destruction, does not explain adequately where its stockpiles have gone. The Iraqis continue to claim that they simply do not have such weapons. They cannot explain, however, what happened to them. Against this backdrop, there is the disconcerting dissonance of Iraqi troops being ordered to take precautions against chemical agents on the battlefield.Seeking a UN Security Council resolution did much to mitigate the idea that the entire Iraq adventure was the first strike in the new American policy of preemptive action. However, American reluctance to get a second UN resolution and threats to go it alone send exactly the opposite message. To the extent that the U. S. and Britain seek to foster the notion that they are acting under the mantle of the UN Charter and the sanctions imposed on Iraq for its ill-fated excursion into Kuwait, it is counter intuitive to shy away from a UN resolution now. Rather than making the obvious case that the necessary resolution has already been passed, the Administration waffles on the subject stating that a new resolution would be welcome. It seems much more consistent to reiterate the point previously made that if the UN is to have any meaning as a force for world peace and world order, it must back up its resolutions with force where necessary.It takes no great feat of analysis or logic to conclude that if Saddam Hussein does have weapons of mass destruction, he is not likely to suddenly declare where they are simply because UN inspectors have more time to spend in Iraq. Despite this, the French and German position that inspectors should be allowed more time, rests on the premise that, mirabile dictu, Saddam Hussein will come clean in due course.The logical inconsistency in the Franco-German position is that those countries do not deny that Saddam Hussein has weapons of mass destruction. That seems to be a given. If so, disarmament would be the logical approach – if Iraq will not do it voluntarily, a coalition of the willing, as the Administration calls it, will do it forcibly. The French and Germans say that we should give diplomacy more time, a laudable approach in the abstract but likely to have no effect in the circumstances at hand. There is no reason to believe that Saddam Hussein will suddenly declare that he has been lying to us all along.Yet, it is precisely here that the Bush Administration’s position also faces its weakest logical link. The fact that the inspectors have not found weapons of mass destruction at least raises the possibility that Iraq has none. If so, military action would be unjustified and futile, at least in terms of disarmament. But it would likely bring about regime change. This inherent logical inconsistency, not explained by the Administration leads Americans to wonder whether the real goal is, after all, regime change and nothing more.It is here that the Administration has simply failed to connect the dots for the American people and to show why, despite the lack of objective evidence from the UN inspectors, there is a compelling case for military action. Until that case is made, the American President comes across as hell bent on doing it his way – the classic world picture of America as Imperialist. In fact, a prolonged period of observation by UN inspectors backed by a UN peacekeeping force may well be a sufficient check on Saddam Hussein, a check that will avoid an American led war, devastation of what remains of Iraq’s infrastructure, and civilian casualties. The case has not been made why this is not a better solution.In its effort to deal with the logical inconsistencies and lack of reasonable explanations, the Administration has proffered two ill-conceived responses. The first approach was to try and link the Iraqi regime to Al Qaeda. After September 11th it no longer is a matter of debate that preemption, at least when applied to terrorists is a valid, indeed the only sensible, approach. Our Secretary of State announced the impending broadcast, on Al Jazeera, of the alleged audiotape statement by Osama bin Laden as showing a connection between Al Qaeda and Iraq. The connection was so tenuous as to be virtually nonexistent. Colin Powell probably lost more credibility by that ill-advised stretch than he gained by his forceful earlier presentation at the UN when he made a strong, if not compelling, case for military action.The second approach by the Administration is an exercise in the perverse. It hinges on justifying military action by emphasizing the risk that American and allied troops will face from Iraqi chemical and biological weapons. After all, if American troops are exposed to chemical or biological weapons during an offensive on Iraqi troops, we will have proved the point that Iraq actually has such weapons, won’t we?This particular effort started early with plans to vaccinate American troops. After all, if the Administration did not have reason to fear a smallpox attack, why would it have ordered hundreds of thousands of troops vaccinated? Why, the President himself was vaccinated against smallpox. Then the Administration in a show more of bluster than common sense, attempted to communicate to Iraqi soldiers and commanders in the field that if they followed orders to use chemical or biological weapons, they would be subject to trial as war criminals. This public relations effort continues. Now the Administration and the Pentagon have started to focus the media on the risk to American troops of being exposed to Iraqi chemical and biological weapons. Articles appear in the press about the new willingness of the Administration and Pentagon to discuss the risks associated with the contemplated military action.The Bush Administration, with the able assistance of an articulate British Prime Minister, has tried to make the case that Saddam Hussein is a threat, that he is a terrible despot, that he has already used weapons of mass destruction and, indeed, that the world would be better off without him.The real problem is that the Bush Administration has not done enough to counter the superficial logic of the Franco-German position that seductively urges more time for diplomacy to work. The Bush Administration, has failed to explain that more time will not accomplish anything since diplomacy has not worked with Iraq and there is no reason to suppose it will work. Whatever minor efforts have been made along those lines have been camouflaged by the rhetoric of belligerence and saber rattling coming out of Washington.Nor has the Administration done anything to help Americans and the rest of the world focus on the important question: "What if President Bush is correct that Saddam Hussein does have weapons of mass destruction that he will either use or put in the hands of terrorists?"It is not until the Administration can do this that Americans will feel the war is intuitively right. Until then, they will question whether it is intuitively wrong.
Copyright © 2003 BwB