Breakfast with Bwana

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BWEST OF BWANA

Earlier today, President Bush went about the annual ritual of pardoning the Thanksgiving Turkey. Actually, consistent with his practice, he pardoned two turkeys, Flyer and Fryer, and also announced that they were going to be sent off to DisneyLand in California to be honorary grand marshals of the Thanksgiving Day Parade.

Unfortunately, a strange thing happened during the Turkeys’ flight to California. The President received a frantic telephone call from Governor Mitt Romney of Massachusetts in which Romney asserted that he had received intelligence reports that Fryer and Flyer had joined forces, in a manner of speaking, and had been the groom and groom in a same-sex marriage on the flight to California. Romney called the President demanding that the pardon be revoked and the birds called back to active duty. “After all, Mr. President,” he said, “we are sending army and marine reservists back for second and third tours of duty, and I see no reason to treat the gay turkeys any differently.”

The President asked: “Well, how do you feel about Warren Jeffs marrying all those women?” Romney replied: “Well, Mr. President, I think he’s a turkey and I have never supported polygamy.”

The President called Senator John McCain to seek counsel and heard the familiar refrain: “Well, Mr. President, I’m opposed to gay marriage but I believe we should leave it to the states, so the question is what state were they flying over when it happened? I mean, if they were flying over Massachusetts, what the heck is Romney complaining about? Even New Jersey allows this sort of stuff.”

The White House operator called Romney back only to be told that the Governor was busy with the PSG – Polygamy Study Group. “Oh, I thought it would be a good counterpoint to the ISG – Baker’s Iraq Study Group” the scion of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints explained. “Besides, I think that McCain is disingenuous on this gay marriage stuff. You can’t have it both ways. I’m against it even though I was for it before I was elected Governor.”

“Sheesh, you sound a lot like that Ketchup … er, Kerry fellow,” the President said, as got on the phone.

The President thought long and hard and decided to revoke the pardons.

“We can’t have people running around behaving like turkeys … or turkeys running around behaving like people,” White House Press Secretary Tony Snowjob said. “The President is rescinding the pardon heretofore granted. Those turkeys may be off to Disney Land at taxpayers’ expense, but this Administration is not going to have any goofy turkeys on our watch,” Snow quoted the President as saying.

Just then, Vice President Cheney stuck his head in the door. “Yeah, right,” the President said. “What’s that, Mr. President?” asked Cheney. “Oh, I was just talking about goofy turkeys. By the way, I hear that Lynne’s book is selling well since people found out that it has a description of a lesbian sex scene,” the President said. “By the way, Dick what is a Lesbian? You wouldn’t know, would you?”

“Well, Mr. President …” began Cheney.

“Oh, never mind,” said Bush, “I need to pardon somebody in lieu of the turkeys. I need another turkey or two to pardon.”

“Well, Mr. President, you could pardon me … you know, for shooting that lawyer in the face,” said Cheney. “I’ve thought about it” said Bush.

Laura Bush came in just then. “You know Bushie, you could pardon Mark Foley and George Macaca Allen,” she said.

“Well now, honey, I can’t pardon George Allen for denying that he was Jewish even though his mother is. The Jewish lobby would go berserck.”

“No, no, silly” Laura said, “you’d pardon him for calling that Indian kid a Macaca,” she said.

“Yeah, he is a big turkey, ain’t he?” said the President.

“Come to think of it Mr. President, you could pardon Saddam Hussein,” chirped Cheney.

“What’s that!!?” the President asked.

“Well, Sir, you know we accused him of killing Iraqis but come to think of it, Iraqis kill Iraqis,” so maybe we shouldn’t have blamed him.

“Dick, I don’t think I’m going to pardon you after all,” the President said. “By the way, when did you last get your pacemaker battery checked?”

Laura said, “Honey, I’ve made a list of people you can pardon. Let me see, Karl Rove, O.J., Haggard, Richards, Santorum, DeWine …”

“Stop, stop!” yelled the President. “This sounds like a turkey roast.”

Happy Thanksgiving all.
Cheerz…Bwana

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Labels: Bush, Bwana, Pardon, President, Thanksgiving, Turkeys