Wednesday, November 23, 2005
Crepuscular and Feckless - Mean Jean and Cheney to get Thanksgiving Pardon
__________________________________________________________________________________
Breakfast with Bwana
NOVEMBER 23, 2005
CREPUSCULAR AND FECKLESS –
MEAN JEAN AND CHENEY TO GET THANKSGIVING PARDON:
Happy Thanksgiving!
As Americans ungratefully anxious for the arrival of Thursday so that we might express our thanks that Black Friday is nigh upon us, we have the great tradition of the Presidential Thanksgiving pardon.
In a display of the essential kindness and nobility of the American spirit, the President – I mean no less than the President himself – grants a pardon to a turkey or two. See last year’s comment on this subject; I have included a copy below. Last year’s commentary came on the heels of the spat created by Vice who was then SOB (short of breath) having displayed his feckless tendencies – he told Senator Patrick Leahy to feck off.
The bird that Vice showed to Leahy was not a turkey or even one with Avian Flu, but he had his finger on it.
I have not seen this year’s pardon ceremony. Perhaps the President has been busy while off in Asia, with his open palm extended as if begging for acceptance of his world vision like some sort of latter day gaberlunzie. Why, even the Mongolians were fair game for the Presidential stopover.
Or perhaps, this latter day saint of Crawford sees the irony in pardoning the turkey as a show of conservative compassion even while Vice calls for torture, and even as John Bolthead the UN Ambassador gives formal notice that we are formally renouncing our obligations as a signatory to the 1988 Rome Treaty of Rome, the Rome Statute to set up the International Criminal Court. Perhaps Bolthead will have time for a cup of Kofi flavored with corrupt beans.
Whatever, the cause, it is clear that the President might need some help in locating a suitable turkey or turkeys. Last year, his pardon of “Biscuits” and “Gravy” set in motion the hope that multiple turkeys would be eligible for pardoning in the future. I mean, we have only four more Thanksgiving days under this President (2005, 2006, 2007, and 2008) – and thanks for that – so there is some need for expanding the scope of the pardon eligible.
The Republican right wing nominators have suggested Rep. John Murtha as an eligible Turkey for gobbling up a lot of media space. However, Vice had to backtrack and refer to him as a “friend, a patriot and a marine.” I mean, you can’t call a guy who is an “f, p, and m” a turkey now, can you?
Some suggested Senator Ted Kennedy for saying what many won’t or can’t – that Vice says with a straight face something that is boldfaced, or that the Administration and its cronies have trouble grasping the truth. They suggest that the Senior Senator from MassaBLUEsetts has no standing. The Junior Senator whose campaign left him with the blues but wishing there had been more of ‘em especially in Ohio, came to the rescue by suggesting that the Administration could make some croniesberry sauce for Thanksgiving. Apparently, it contains Ketchup (Heinz, of course) to simulate the red flowing from casualties and maiming and wounding and bombs and IEDs. (N.B. Heinz is Republican as all get out, but one does not bite the hand that feeds one).
As a digression, I might point out that a friend – 64 year old gynecologist – was called up with his Army Reserve unit and spent 5-6 weeks in Iraq recently. The female GIs are getting pregnant but not allowed to have abortions since Army hospitals cannot provide that service.
IEDs all over but no condoms for AIDS and no IUDs for maids.
Okay, back to Vice CHEstpaiNEY. I don’t know if you all remember that he recently had a minor surgical intervention for an aneurysm behind his knee. I was tempted to change his moniker to CHEkneEY but we might then miss the idea that he is still SOB (short of breath).
Other than that, he is usually in an undisclosed location, presumably in the torture chamber at Gitmo with that snarly upturned lip of his, grinning that rotweiler grin as prisoners are informed that John Bolthead just told the UN to feck it.
Of course, what the doctors missed was that the area between his chest and his knee, where his brain resides was in need of attention. Alas, he suffered a brain asseurysm (or, as the Aussies say in Oz, a brayn arseurysm) when he spouted off about revisionist history.
But last week, Vice made one of his crepuscular appearances even as the light at the end of the tunnel was getting decidedly dimmer for the Administration. Why, it looks like the twilight of the great campaign to make the “Great Campaign” sound like it really was a great campaign.
Here are excerpts from Vice CHEstpaiNEY’s latest – imagine, the SOB (shortness of breath, that is) allowing for some dramatic discharges of hissing air as he intones:
My remarks today concern national security, in particular the war on terror and the Iraq front in that war. Several days ago, I commented briefly on some recent statements that have been made by some members of Congress about Iraq. Within hours of my speech, a report went out on the wires under the headline, "Cheney says war critics 'dishonest,' 'reprehensible.'"
One thing I've learned in the last five years is that when you're Vice President, you're lucky if your speeches get any attention at all. But I do have a quarrel with that headline, and it's important to make this point at the outset. I do not believe it is wrong to criticize the war on terror or any aspect thereof.
What is not legitimate -- and what I will again say is dishonest and reprehensible -- is the suggestion by some U. S. senators that the President of the United States or any member of his administration purposely misled the American people on pre-war intelligence.
So, he apologizes, sort of. But, notice that he defended the President – he forgot to mention that he himself is charged with misleading the American people. He has not denied that. But then, after backing of the “dishonest and reprehensible charge” he’s right back repeating it in the same speech.
For being feckless once again (Feckless: Lacking purpose or vitality; feeble or ineffective; Careless and irresponsible) I nominate him as the first turkey for this year’s fecking pardon by the President.
My next candidate is Mean Jean. That’s Representative Jean Schmidt of Cincinnati, Ohio. She is one who used the word “coward” in an apparent effort to denigrate Rep. John Murtha’s call for an end to the presence of the US military in Iraq.
What was missed and got lost in the gloaming was his point that the military has done all it can do in Iraq. Of course, that is correct. Policing Iraq is not a military issue. Obviously, if we pull out now, there is the danger that Iraq will become a part of Greater Iran. But, more on that another time.
Jean, like Vice SOB CHEstpaiNEY also has a brain problem. It’s called Bird Brain Flu (foolish lips unleashed).
She is my second candidate for a fecking pardon by the President.
Cheerz….Bwana
__________________________________________________________________________________
Last year's comment:
Breakfast with Bwana
NOVEMBER 17, 2004
THANKSGIVING PARDON:
In a time-honored tradition, President Bush today pardoned the Thanksgiving Turkey named Biscuits. What was barely noticed, however, was that President Bush kept a pretty firm grip on the bird's neck while posing for photographers immediately after the announcement of the pardon. Those who pay attention to such things will recall that three years ago, a then less experienced Prez was the subject of a pretty good peck by that year's feckless recipient of the Rose Garden benediction.
The President dismissed speculation that the bird from three years ago was a Democrat but pondered, briefly, whether all Democrats are turkeys. In a show of goodwill, not to be mistaken for rapprochement, he pardoned another turkey named Gravy.
Dick Cheney, still short of breath (SOB) was at the President's side. Not a man to be impressed by shows of kindness to the enemy, he was seen hovering over Biscuits and overheard saying under his short breath "Feckless turkey, feck you." Upon being informed of this, Senator Patrick Leahy of Vermont promptly announced that he would support the nomination of Alberto Gonzales for Attila General. "But Judge Gonzales is no Attila the Hun; he's far from that, and he's a more uniting figure" said Leahy. It should be remembered that Senator Leahy had been the subject of a feck by SOB Vice earlier this season.
The Presidential pardon ceremony prompted other supplicants to emerge.
The Save the Skeets Foundation sent in a petition to save Ann Veneman's job as Secretary of Agriculture. Titled "PULL! for Ann" the scroll featured pictures of a soybean, a tomato, and a potatoe ... make that potato. Ann was off on a quail hunting trip, just to get away from it all.
Alan Greenspan lurked in the shadows holding a letter asking that the turkeys be renamed "Inflation" and "Hedge" but never had the nerve to present it. "It is increasingly clear that the lack of clarity of fiscal policy is clouding the effects of monetary policy as anecdotal evidence of confusing signals begins to emerge from the statistical data that are as yet unresolved," he said in a forceful show of Greenspeak. Vice spat and said "Feckin' hell. What was that all about?"
The senior senator from Pennsylvania sought to be forgiven for his trespasses. "I should not have waded into waters too deep to row" he said, in seeking a pardon. Senator Leahy, already the ranking Democrat on the Judiciary Committee expressed indirect support for Senator Specter's bid to be the next to fall into the open hatch to the committee chairmanship. Vice said "Feck, that."
Meanwhile, the Prez, relieved of the national security problem of having to hold on to the Democratic turkey's neck, said to Vice, "You know, Dick, the problem with Allen is that he can't spell and we have the spectre of him for a long time. I think I'm going to have to get someone who gets the spellings right." Vice shook his head and said, "Mr. President, I think his name is Arlen, but you know, it's brilliant to appoint someone named Spellings to the education post. That'll serve 'em fecking right."
The pardoned turkeys are to spend the rest of their lives at a farm in Virginia or West Virginia. It is not clear whether that is the same location where Martha Stewart is ensconced. Her petition for a pardon, arrived just as Gravy let go on the President's sleeve and was hastily used to wipe up after him. See, if the petition doesn't get there when it absolutely, positively has to, that's what brown can do for you. Sorry, Martha.
Cheerz...Bwana
__________________________________________________________________________________
Breakfast with Bwana
NOVEMBER 23, 2005
CREPUSCULAR AND FECKLESS –
MEAN JEAN AND CHENEY TO GET THANKSGIVING PARDON:
Happy Thanksgiving!
As Americans ungratefully anxious for the arrival of Thursday so that we might express our thanks that Black Friday is nigh upon us, we have the great tradition of the Presidential Thanksgiving pardon.
In a display of the essential kindness and nobility of the American spirit, the President – I mean no less than the President himself – grants a pardon to a turkey or two. See last year’s comment on this subject; I have included a copy below. Last year’s commentary came on the heels of the spat created by Vice who was then SOB (short of breath) having displayed his feckless tendencies – he told Senator Patrick Leahy to feck off.
The bird that Vice showed to Leahy was not a turkey or even one with Avian Flu, but he had his finger on it.
I have not seen this year’s pardon ceremony. Perhaps the President has been busy while off in Asia, with his open palm extended as if begging for acceptance of his world vision like some sort of latter day gaberlunzie. Why, even the Mongolians were fair game for the Presidential stopover.
Or perhaps, this latter day saint of Crawford sees the irony in pardoning the turkey as a show of conservative compassion even while Vice calls for torture, and even as John Bolthead the UN Ambassador gives formal notice that we are formally renouncing our obligations as a signatory to the 1988 Rome Treaty of Rome, the Rome Statute to set up the International Criminal Court. Perhaps Bolthead will have time for a cup of Kofi flavored with corrupt beans.
Whatever, the cause, it is clear that the President might need some help in locating a suitable turkey or turkeys. Last year, his pardon of “Biscuits” and “Gravy” set in motion the hope that multiple turkeys would be eligible for pardoning in the future. I mean, we have only four more Thanksgiving days under this President (2005, 2006, 2007, and 2008) – and thanks for that – so there is some need for expanding the scope of the pardon eligible.
The Republican right wing nominators have suggested Rep. John Murtha as an eligible Turkey for gobbling up a lot of media space. However, Vice had to backtrack and refer to him as a “friend, a patriot and a marine.” I mean, you can’t call a guy who is an “f, p, and m” a turkey now, can you?
Some suggested Senator Ted Kennedy for saying what many won’t or can’t – that Vice says with a straight face something that is boldfaced, or that the Administration and its cronies have trouble grasping the truth. They suggest that the Senior Senator from MassaBLUEsetts has no standing. The Junior Senator whose campaign left him with the blues but wishing there had been more of ‘em especially in Ohio, came to the rescue by suggesting that the Administration could make some croniesberry sauce for Thanksgiving. Apparently, it contains Ketchup (Heinz, of course) to simulate the red flowing from casualties and maiming and wounding and bombs and IEDs. (N.B. Heinz is Republican as all get out, but one does not bite the hand that feeds one).
As a digression, I might point out that a friend – 64 year old gynecologist – was called up with his Army Reserve unit and spent 5-6 weeks in Iraq recently. The female GIs are getting pregnant but not allowed to have abortions since Army hospitals cannot provide that service.
IEDs all over but no condoms for AIDS and no IUDs for maids.
Okay, back to Vice CHEstpaiNEY. I don’t know if you all remember that he recently had a minor surgical intervention for an aneurysm behind his knee. I was tempted to change his moniker to CHEkneEY but we might then miss the idea that he is still SOB (short of breath).
Other than that, he is usually in an undisclosed location, presumably in the torture chamber at Gitmo with that snarly upturned lip of his, grinning that rotweiler grin as prisoners are informed that John Bolthead just told the UN to feck it.
Of course, what the doctors missed was that the area between his chest and his knee, where his brain resides was in need of attention. Alas, he suffered a brain asseurysm (or, as the Aussies say in Oz, a brayn arseurysm) when he spouted off about revisionist history.
But last week, Vice made one of his crepuscular appearances even as the light at the end of the tunnel was getting decidedly dimmer for the Administration. Why, it looks like the twilight of the great campaign to make the “Great Campaign” sound like it really was a great campaign.
Here are excerpts from Vice CHEstpaiNEY’s latest – imagine, the SOB (shortness of breath, that is) allowing for some dramatic discharges of hissing air as he intones:
My remarks today concern national security, in particular the war on terror and the Iraq front in that war. Several days ago, I commented briefly on some recent statements that have been made by some members of Congress about Iraq. Within hours of my speech, a report went out on the wires under the headline, "Cheney says war critics 'dishonest,' 'reprehensible.'"
One thing I've learned in the last five years is that when you're Vice President, you're lucky if your speeches get any attention at all. But I do have a quarrel with that headline, and it's important to make this point at the outset. I do not believe it is wrong to criticize the war on terror or any aspect thereof.
What is not legitimate -- and what I will again say is dishonest and reprehensible -- is the suggestion by some U. S. senators that the President of the United States or any member of his administration purposely misled the American people on pre-war intelligence.
So, he apologizes, sort of. But, notice that he defended the President – he forgot to mention that he himself is charged with misleading the American people. He has not denied that. But then, after backing of the “dishonest and reprehensible charge” he’s right back repeating it in the same speech.
For being feckless once again (Feckless: Lacking purpose or vitality; feeble or ineffective; Careless and irresponsible) I nominate him as the first turkey for this year’s fecking pardon by the President.
My next candidate is Mean Jean. That’s Representative Jean Schmidt of Cincinnati, Ohio. She is one who used the word “coward” in an apparent effort to denigrate Rep. John Murtha’s call for an end to the presence of the US military in Iraq.
What was missed and got lost in the gloaming was his point that the military has done all it can do in Iraq. Of course, that is correct. Policing Iraq is not a military issue. Obviously, if we pull out now, there is the danger that Iraq will become a part of Greater Iran. But, more on that another time.
Jean, like Vice SOB CHEstpaiNEY also has a brain problem. It’s called Bird Brain Flu (foolish lips unleashed).
She is my second candidate for a fecking pardon by the President.
Cheerz….Bwana
__________________________________________________________________________________
Last year's comment:
Breakfast with Bwana
NOVEMBER 17, 2004
THANKSGIVING PARDON:
In a time-honored tradition, President Bush today pardoned the Thanksgiving Turkey named Biscuits. What was barely noticed, however, was that President Bush kept a pretty firm grip on the bird's neck while posing for photographers immediately after the announcement of the pardon. Those who pay attention to such things will recall that three years ago, a then less experienced Prez was the subject of a pretty good peck by that year's feckless recipient of the Rose Garden benediction.
The President dismissed speculation that the bird from three years ago was a Democrat but pondered, briefly, whether all Democrats are turkeys. In a show of goodwill, not to be mistaken for rapprochement, he pardoned another turkey named Gravy.
Dick Cheney, still short of breath (SOB) was at the President's side. Not a man to be impressed by shows of kindness to the enemy, he was seen hovering over Biscuits and overheard saying under his short breath "Feckless turkey, feck you." Upon being informed of this, Senator Patrick Leahy of Vermont promptly announced that he would support the nomination of Alberto Gonzales for Attila General. "But Judge Gonzales is no Attila the Hun; he's far from that, and he's a more uniting figure" said Leahy. It should be remembered that Senator Leahy had been the subject of a feck by SOB Vice earlier this season.
The Presidential pardon ceremony prompted other supplicants to emerge.
The Save the Skeets Foundation sent in a petition to save Ann Veneman's job as Secretary of Agriculture. Titled "PULL! for Ann" the scroll featured pictures of a soybean, a tomato, and a potatoe ... make that potato. Ann was off on a quail hunting trip, just to get away from it all.
Alan Greenspan lurked in the shadows holding a letter asking that the turkeys be renamed "Inflation" and "Hedge" but never had the nerve to present it. "It is increasingly clear that the lack of clarity of fiscal policy is clouding the effects of monetary policy as anecdotal evidence of confusing signals begins to emerge from the statistical data that are as yet unresolved," he said in a forceful show of Greenspeak. Vice spat and said "Feckin' hell. What was that all about?"
The senior senator from Pennsylvania sought to be forgiven for his trespasses. "I should not have waded into waters too deep to row" he said, in seeking a pardon. Senator Leahy, already the ranking Democrat on the Judiciary Committee expressed indirect support for Senator Specter's bid to be the next to fall into the open hatch to the committee chairmanship. Vice said "Feck, that."
Meanwhile, the Prez, relieved of the national security problem of having to hold on to the Democratic turkey's neck, said to Vice, "You know, Dick, the problem with Allen is that he can't spell and we have the spectre of him for a long time. I think I'm going to have to get someone who gets the spellings right." Vice shook his head and said, "Mr. President, I think his name is Arlen, but you know, it's brilliant to appoint someone named Spellings to the education post. That'll serve 'em fecking right."
The pardoned turkeys are to spend the rest of their lives at a farm in Virginia or West Virginia. It is not clear whether that is the same location where Martha Stewart is ensconced. Her petition for a pardon, arrived just as Gravy let go on the President's sleeve and was hastily used to wipe up after him. See, if the petition doesn't get there when it absolutely, positively has to, that's what brown can do for you. Sorry, Martha.
Cheerz...Bwana
__________________________________________________________________________________
