Breakfast with Bwana

Breakfast with Bwana

MARCH 8, 2005

BOEING, BOEING, BOING - ROMANCING THE STONECIPHER:


"In retrospect," the independent investigator stated, "someone in Boeing management should have taken earlier notice when the posting appeared on the Company's internal electronic bulletin board." The investigator was referring to the "Personals" section of Boeing's main corporate email and communications system, not the encrypted e-mail facility used for exchanges with the Pentagon on sensitive matters.

"Well, since our code of conduct did not actually prohibit affairs between employees, we thought it was okay to let employees post personals, a sort of added benefit, if you will" said Lewis E. Platt, Chairman of Boeing.

When asked if setting up a listing section for "EXECUTIVES SEEKING EXECUTIVES" was an appropriate action for a company that had just gone through the ethical ringer, Mr. Platt snarled and tried to swallow the reporter's microphone.

So, what was the ad? Well, as best as can be reconstructed, it said:

"MWM Executive, spry 68, well heeled, in current relationship of 50 years which has had some stress (entirely of my own making) seeking a mutually enriching, enjoyable relationship with a woman of grace, intelligence, vitality, and preferably not located in company's Chicago HQ. Prefer executive level companion. Interests include company management, compliance, ethics enforcement, cleanup, and jet setting sexual adventure. Please respond via email to HatchetHarry@boeing.come."

Now, seriously folks, what is going on here? Harry Cipherbrains Rockhead, is 68 years old, has two kids, a marriage of 50 years, earns $1.5 million base, with an expected bonus of $1.5 million, gets pension payments of $638,000 from his previous stint as CEO, owns over $102 million worth of Boeing stock, and he's writing lurid and graphic emails on the company's open email system. And his response is: "I violated my own standards. I showed poor judgment." In what respect? By having an affair with a fellow employee? Or, was it the writing of the graphic email? What standards? No, it wasn't poor judgment. It was priceless stupidity.

I mean, has this feces-for-brains fellow not heard of AOL at $15-25 a month? Or, more appropriately, that he could have gotten stupidshit@hotmail.com for free?

Two positives here. First, Carly Fiorina will not be following Cipher. Why not? Well, Lewis Platt was asked by the Hewlett Packard board to step aside so that Carly Fiorina could succeed -- or should I say, "fail" -- him. Second, one might laud the Boeing board for taking swift action and not letting yet another ethically challenged executive cast a pall on its affairs. Not that Boeing is an outstanding or upstanding company -- the misconduct in which it has engaged is extensive and wide-ranging.

The real problem is not that Hatchet Harry is gone. The problem is that despite this nonsense, he'll be paid millions of dollars in a severance package, and no one stops to say that what is wrong with much of American business is that we have morons running companies and being paid way too much to do it.

The aforementioned Fiorina is fired and gets millions of dollars for having ruined a decent company. Then, they float a balloon saying she should head the World Bank. Give me a break.

In an ongoing saga, the Royal Dutch/Shell Group reported on its shell game -- it had overstated its oil and gas reserves by 41% which means falsely reporting some $150 billion of reserves (over $250 billion at today's prices) which it did not have. For this, the company fired 5 executives and paid $150 million in fines.

Scrushy, Ebbers, Haddock, Biogen, Kozlowski ... just a few of the names involved with fraud or other allegations of ethical lapses in today's news. An altogether unpleasant undertone to what we have allowed our business leaders to become.

Soon enough, the object of Mr. feces-for-brains Stonecipher's affection will be identified. When that happens, I sure hope she doesn't look like an airbus.

Cheerz....Bwana

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